For a friend in need–TV and movies that don’t/didn’t trigger you

First of all, I have missed this space. It’s hard to start writing in here again when I haven’t for so long. For now I will just say that things are good! We bought a house! Holy crow, a new chapter of adulthood! The closing date is in a couple of months, and we’ll probably move in a couple of months after that. We had to take a very close look at our values, during this process, as the easier, less financially strained path came with a lifestyle we do not like—hilly suburbs without sidewalks, feelings of isolation, but more space, less mortgage (way less), more yard, etc. We ended up going the harder path, and the much harder path for me, as it will not only be smart for me to go back to work soon, but it will also become necessary soon. But I’ve gotten to the point at which I am looking forward to returning to working and am cooking up some exciting plans. The path we chose is going to be uncomfortable, financially, in the short-term, but I hope not in the long-term. In any case, we could never go upside down in this deal, because of where the house is. Small-town-feel neighborhood, sidewalks, kids everywhere on bikes, on big porches, brick streets, old brick houses, walking distance to coffee shop, to my favorite park, to various amenities, and one of the most desirable neighborhoods for young families of all because of its famous blue-ribbon school district. I’ve learned a great deal about real estate in general, during these past months, and about who we are, as a family, and what we will put first. For us, community will come first, walking-culture will come first, a sense of still being part of something when you close your front door, that will all come first. Playing guitar on the front porch and chatting with neighbors will come first. Gardening in the back yard and passing carrots over the fence to neighbors, that will come first. S being able to pal around with the boy two doors down, or his preschool buddy a block away, that comes first. Vibrant Halloween night, that comes first. Parades, block parties, and kid dance parties in the streets. First. Yes, the house is old, and we are worried about the plumbing, the roof, the boiler, etc….we know we can end up in some tight situations before I start working again (once I start working again, however, we should be fine, I hope). But we’re willing to take that risk. The house is lovely. It has a “home” feel. I think we can be happy there. I’m so eager to see what we make of it in the coming months and years.

But that’s not why I wrote this post. I wrote this post because  friend of mine is in need. She is in a lot of pain. She’s feeling terrible and hopeless (infertility, pregnancy losses, fertility treatments, you know the path) and I want to help her.

When I was going down that path, I created a list of movies and television shows that I found relaxing and enjoyable—and most importantly, non-triggering. No babies, no pregnancies, no “oh it’s a happy ending, after all, look at this positive pregnancy test very, very close up!”

But I lost the list!

Can you help me brainstorm a list to send to her? I think if she can relax with some chocolate and wine and vegetate in front of the television for hours, she might be able to breathe again.

Thank you!

 

 

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21 Comments

  1. I am so happy for you that you found a house that you can call home, with all the benefits of tightness with the community. Can’t wait to know more about it once you have moved in.

    Sadly, I have never compiled a list of safe movies and TV shows. I was just brainstorming briefly in my head and all the ones that I like have some sort of pregnancy theme to it one time or the other. It just seems like not much is safe these days. I like watching Russell Peters’ comedy and that’s kinda safe. Let me look on Netflix and maybe I’ll come up with something more.

    Reply
    • Oh you’re so sweet. It really does seem like nothing much is trigger-free for those going through the hard stuff. Thank you for the congrats!

      Reply
  2. Congrats on your new home! So very glad to hear from you and I hope you’ll continue to write your story here.
    As for your friend–I have been watching Sex and the City series re-runs. They are pretty safe until you get to (I think) season 4-ish, because then Charlotte starts dealing with infertility and Miranda gets “oops” pregnant and considers abortion. But even then, it’s comforting to me because they show how Charlotte struggles with Miranda’s pregnancy while dealing with IF. XOXO

    Reply
    • Ooo that’s a good one to rec! Thank you. I’ll tell her for sure. I hope to continue my story here. It’s so rewarding—I wish there were more hours in a day. I’ve been following you closely. I’m so glad you can drink coffee again–I know how important that is!! ❤

      Reply
      • Thanks lady–I had my first “full” day today since the flare started. I wentvyo the city and did errands, grocery shopped at trader joe’s, took BG to a city park, came home and cleaned/organized my fridge, put away groceries, reorganized BG’s playroom and bedroom, made zucchini lasagna from scratch (laborious), played with BG some more and gave her her bath, took my sitz bath. I was operating at full capacity–no coffee! Just doesn’t get any better than that. XOXO

        Reply
  3. I loved Dexter but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea!!!! There is a pregnancy and baby in one season but that’s it as far as I remember. Most of the programmes I liked seem to have some kind of pg theme at some point… nowhere seems safe some days! I read lots of post apocalyptic books too because there aren’t usually babies/IF themes there x

    Reply
  4. Congrats on the house! We just bought our first one too; it feels strangely more “adulty” to me than having a baby did. Movies below…

    When Harry Met Sally – one of my all time faves. No babies in sight, just an excellent, classic romantic comedy.

    40 Year Old Virgin – this movie makes me laugh every time.

    Austin Powers – was on at a hotel we stayed at recently, I forgot how funny it is (possibly you need to be a child of the 90s to fully appreciate)

    Bridesmaids – hilarious.

    Old classic movies – I love Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movies, but I know they’re not for everyone. Also: Singing in the Rain, The Sound of Music.

    It’s hard because tastes vary so widely. I love comedy, sci fi and action movies, all of which are quite safe from pregnancy stuff, but rom coms and dramas can be trickier. Good luck to your friend, I hope she has a successful pregnancy soon.

    Reply
    • Ah, thanks for these. Bridesmaids makes me laugh just thinking about it. Very good to be reminded of that and the others…and wouldn’t you know it, I watched 40-Year-Old Virgin probably two or three times while suffering from RPL. Bags of sand, bags of sand.

      Reply
  5. Caroline s.

     /  March 15, 2017

    1. the princess bride
    2. mary poppins
    3. Pitch perfect
    4. Pitch perfect 2
    5. shawshank redemption – not feel good but SUCH a good movie
    6. parent trap
    7. bridget jones diary
    8. lala land
    9. hidden figures
    10. moana
    11. trolls
    12. my big fat greek wedding

    Reply
  6. I’ve been drawn to more “safe” shows since becoming a parent, because my general emotional state has trouble dealing with violence, death, illness, etc (this coming from a women who previously LOVED horror movies).

    What I find is almost always safe is reality TV. It provides good entertainment without the need for much deep thought. I’m not into the Bachelor or those types of shows that rely on heavy personal drama to drive the plot. But I REALLY like shows where people are creating things. Food, Art, stuff like that. Some of my favorites are:

    Project Runway
    Top Chef
    Great British Baking Show
    Great American Baking Show
    Any of the baking shows on Food Network
    Face Off
    Ru Paul’s Drag Race
    Skin Wars
    Ink Master

    There’s a good amount of stuff available for bingeing on Netflix and Hulu.

    Reply
  7. Chris

     /  March 16, 2017

    Disclaimer: I have not been through IF. I have lost a pregnancy. Given our current political climate I’ve been binging on West Wing. I can’t think of a single pregnancy/IF type storyline during the series, although I tend to skip part of season 5. LOL But they’re all like old friends and make me feel warm and fuzzy. Also for laughs I’d say Big Bang Theory is safe until this past season which is #9 when Bernadette gets pregnant. It’s a very small part of the show but …. And my third recommendation for total escapism TV? Buffy the Vampire Slayer- it’s funny, and sometimes just thinking about staking someone is a good thing. Those are three of my go to’s for escaping life. :) You’re a good friend- and I can’t wait to hear more about your house!

    Reply
    • Ha! Great escape selections! You know I never have checked out good ol’ Buffy, but I’ve gotta try it out. What a cultural phenomenon. And I haven’t given WW or BBT a shot either—now I will!

      Reply
    • I LOVE Buffy!!! Great suggestion.

      Reply
  8. Sorry I’m not much good with movie recommendations… Bridget Jones Diary maybe? That’s a good comfort watch and I don’t recall anything baby related…

    But holy smokes lady! Congrats on the house!!!! That sounds like my kinda hood too. We did the same thing and sacrificed space for shorter commute times and a neighbourhood where everything is walkable. Wouldn’t change a thing. Excited for you guys!

    Reply
  9. I like the old X-men movies. And Harry Potter (gets better each movie). Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds is great. Super Troopers for a good laugh.

    I think you should compile these suggestions in their own post so ripple googling may find it 😃

    Reply
  10. Kali

     /  June 10, 2017

    Congrats on the house! Sounds exactly like my priorities, and my kind of neighborhood.

    Late to the party but Miss Congeniality, Netflix bingeing the West Wing, Clueless, Legally Blonde, and documentaries.

    Reply

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