I live in the suburbs and I am on weightwatchers (and other news)

I live in the suburbs and I am on weightwatchers. This is a sentence that I never thought I would write. But it is true, on both counts, although a) we are working on DH’s job applications for jobs countrywide, and b) I am on the pared-down, web-tools-only version of WW, and it is really not as depressing as I thought it would be. Because I have to admit that I was pretty depressed when I decided to do WW last weekend. But then I stepped on the scale this morning and I got un-depressed about it! This shit works!

I also went to my first private pilates session. No, we are rolling-in-it, private-pilates-sesh people, and in fact I’ve never had a private lesson of anything (except guitar for ten dollars an hour in a falling-apart basement of a music store in Appalachia, approximately eight million years ago). But DH got me three private pilates sessions for my birthday. Went last weekend and will go again tomorrow. My core is mush, like a sack of mashed potatoes, but I tried my damndest to do all of the moves. I showed up in ill-fitting clothing that had spit-up, formula, and lint stuck to it. Hmm. Perhaps I can try a little harder to be presentable tomorrow.

Have also strapped Baby S to me in a baby bjorn, facing out, and have done a 20-minute baby-and-me low-impact aerobics, once last week (at home). And we went for a one-hour-walk in 20 degree weather! And around a park. And through a museum (he very quietly took in all of the art, I was so proud of him). And all around a giant bookstore. And to a library play-date. For the most part we are still trapped inside, but slowly, slowly, we can be more active. That + WW is helping this mama transform a little away from blobby-blob, which is also helping me in the head. Please, please, Spring, decide to come early. Pretty, pretty please. I love you. I want you. I kiss you. Just come.

DH and S and I have gone to dinners out and DH and I have managed to have semi-conversations. At one breakfast out, I managed to read one entire NYX Book Review article!

At night, instead of putting S in the rocker beside the table, I now often seat him on my lap and we include him in talk. I show him the bright vegetables. S and I are falling deeper and deeper into the swirls of a mad love affair that is difficult to describe…the cooing conversations on the changing table, the “singing” together, the sweet, sweet naps in my arms (eyes fluttering open to check that I am there). We are partners. Fellow adventurers. He is my world.

So it is getting easier. Still many many wakings in the night. Still so little sleep that I can’t believe we are able to function (how? how??). S still sleeping beside us in the Rock-and-Play and the idea of transferring to the crib seems hilarious, the stuff of fantasy. But inch by inch, this baby becomes a more organic part of our lives. Inch by inch, we are a family.

I miss my family—my extended family back home. I wish we could just drive a ways and visit people. It hurts my heart that people in my family are missing out on this never-to-be-again time, and that S has not met them. Sometimes I cry about it. But I try to keep things in perspective—at least there is a baby, right? There could be no baby at all. When Spring comes, I hope to make a visit home. (And if I can finagle it, again in the Summer and Fall and Winter, but we’ll see what we can manage.) For now, I am going to focus on appreciating what we do have, not what we do not. What we are able to do, not what we are not.

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1 Comment

  1. NotSoNewtoIVF

     /  February 24, 2015

    Well done for getting out there!
    I love WW. ..Only ever done it online – couldn’t bear the idea of meetings – bit it really does work and not too hard to stick to. Good luck!

    Reply

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