Waking up to the world

Thank you so much for all of your comments last post…happy to say we’re doing the two steps forward as of late! Sunday was amazing—more sustained smiles. He is having more alert periods, for longer stretches of time, waking up to the world. He is standing up straight! Against my chest, my thighs, the floor. How he loves to stand straight and tall. He also loves to do dramatic back bends and hang practically upside down. Baths are also a big favorite of his. It is hard to believe how much is changing so quickly. His eyes in this first picture say it all—it’s like a little light is getting turned on inside him and getting a little brighter each day.

He’s paying attention a little more when we read to him. Eee!

He’s hanging out in the sling against my chest while we eat dinner. He watches me with eyes wide, entertained by every bite and drink I take. It’s so lovely to have him join us at the dinner table.

He is more and more able to be snuggled on various surfaces, in various positions. He’s getting bigger (8 pounds 12 ounces!) so it feels safe to spoon with him or have him between us. (DH and I don’t sleep during snuggles, more like doze, but it doesn’t matter, it feels so great.)

We’ve been able to more easily soothe him lately. Also, we’re trying out different schedules, different sleeping situations.

Getting out of the house really helps. It has been such terrible weather, but we’ve been doing it, and it makes a huge difference.

Mama got a massage! The best massage of my life. I’m not exaggerating. And I’ve been going for fifteen years. This guy did a combination of Shiatsu (Japanese technique), Amma (Korean), ad Tuina (Chinese). I felt like he and I went through something together, like a long journey or something. My body was utterly transformed. These techniques are what I’ve been looking for all these years. I like it to hurt. I like my nerves to zing on fire. And then the sweet release afterward.

Mama’s infection is—hallelujah–gone. Done. Finit. Good riddance, amen, etc. It’s so much easier to carry and play with ST now.

Mama also got her hair cut and colored. Chopped off quite a few inches (it was hippie long) up to a little past my shoulders and got it dyed all over several shades darker. I have to say I’m quite pleased with the results. Looks good with my black-rimmed Zooey Deschanelesque glasses that I’ve been needing to wear more lately.


As for STs hair, omigosh, it has some red in it. And some curls, after the bath. Today it looks the lightest it has yet—a dark brownish red (these pics were taken on Sunday,  not today, and when his hair was oilier). I think its the Caucasian in him coming out.

Yesterday, my iphone fell in a rain puddle and died. I was upset about it. I don’t have insurance on it. But then I was on the couch with my baby asleep in my arms, staring at his perfect face, thinking about all of the things that are happening right now and that are to be. And I got over it real quick. The worst thing about it is that I’m going to miss dinner time with my boys because I’ll go get it repaired tonight.

Okay, gotta take advantage of snoozing mister and take a shower. Today’s goal: First walk in the stroller! The snow has melted and the sun is out.


Leave a comment


  1. California mom

     /  January 13, 2015

    Glad things are looking up! He looks peaceful and content and I can see the red in his hair! Keep up the good work mama!

  2. Oh my goodness, he is just perfect :) I’m so glad you were able to go out and get some pampering done. You needed some you time and it sounds like it was perfect! Mmm, I just love the pictures of ST. LOVE.

  3. JB

     /  January 13, 2015

    He’s so cute!

  4. So adorable. And I’m glad things are getting a little bit easier!

  5. Julia

     /  January 14, 2015

    he is scrumptious! So glad you were able to get out of the house for a massage. And soon a walk!

  6. Karen

     /  January 14, 2015

    Oh my he is gorgeous!

  7. Beautiful! So many good things in this post. And ST! He takes my breath away. What a sweetie. I am so glad your infection is gone. And yes, yes, to an excellent massage–it can be so transformative! Glad things are looking up.

  8. He is one cutie cutie!!

  9. What a sweet, beautiful boy. :)


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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