19 weeks: How we’re doing

I went to my new clinic yesterday for an intake here, with Dr. Schneider, and I can finally say I found my OB home, and my doctor. Loved it. Everything looks perfect! Baby is right where he should be, growing on track, with a nice strong heartbeat. He was moving around on the ultrasound yesterday, and of course I cried.

At one point, he put his hands behind his head, just exactly like he was chillin’ at the beach. Oh. God. Eeeeee! Cute, cute.

Dr. S said: “Hey baby, here’s your mama,” in a sweet voice. It all felt very intimate.

Beautiful-looking spine on this baby—it looks perfectly crafted, like a model of a spine. I couldn’t see his parts, but I could see his legs, feet, and hands. AND it looks like he’s beginning to get some cheeks! When DH was born, he was 95% cheek (as often happens with Asian babies).

It’s so bizarre to see this little fellow squirming around in there on the screen and not feel anything! There’s this disconnect that happens, a sense of unreality. I have a “wraparound” placenta–totally normal, but it could make it difficult to feel his movements for a few weeks more, says the doc. But I could swear I felt something several times one night while I was in Ohio, and a few times since then. Including today. As in right now, while I’m typing. It’s so hard to say for sure, but it definitely doesn’t feel GI-tract related.

I am very very hungry, and my body is happy, and I am sooooo in love with DH. Tenderness is overflowing from both of us.

Last night, we went on an “emergency” sundae run, one of the strongest cravings I’ve had so far. Visions of ice cream, nuts, whipped cream. I was in such a goofy mood afterward.

Then I went to my second aqua aerobics class at the VA hospital. Yep, it’s just me and the elderly! I was very gassy during the class and embarrassed of all the bubbles in my particular area of the pool, which of course made DH hysterical with laughter when I told him later.

An ancient Irish lady came up to me during the class, with her friend, and she goes: “We’ve been coming here for 500 years,” and then she gave me a hug and asked the lord to bless me and my baby. When I told her it was a boy, she told me that she’d hoped for a boy once upon a time, but she got a girl instead…then she whispered: “She turned out to be homosexual. I’ve felt guilty ever since.” Gahhhh, errrmmm. All of this happened while she was pressing me to her ancient breast.

My body is LOVING being pregnant. Especially with the aqua aerobics, lap-swimming, walking, and yoga I’ve been doing. I feel strong, beautiful, fertile. I am abundant! Yes! Anyone who is considering donor eggs, let me tell you: Becoming pregnant is healing, no matter whose egg it is.

My skin is indeed glowing and I look about five years younger. Oh, how I wish that effect could last. I have these impressive strawberry/rocket-shaped nipples with a thousand bumps on them and very serious looking blue veins mapping through my breasts.

Belly is taut, and it is now protruding just below my breasts.

DH helps me feel beautiful by telling me I’m beautiful and still getting turned on when I wear tight tank tops and bikini underwear, long hair down. Sex feels insanely amazing and I’m game pretty much whenever, wherever. This I did not expect. This I like.

Today I pack for our trip to the gorgeous mountains of the West, and dear friends, BBQs, hiking, swimming, and lots of catching up. I will leave you with some pictures of my baby. The first one is the most recent, yesterday’s, 19 weeks. Then 16, 15, 12, and 10. Life just beginning is an astounding thing. I wish it for all of you who are not there yet. Please stay the fiercly tenacious warrior women that you are—it’s worth the awful. The awful softens and makes room for the new.













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  1. I’m in love with this post :) Enjoy the mountains!!!

  2. Beautiful baby!

  3. I just love reading your posts. It’s as if I can see you smiling and giggling as you type each and every word. I can’t even explain how happy I am for you! xoxo

  4. i am not sure if I asked, but can I have your address? I want to send you something :) My email is 10hopeingod@gmail.com

  5. So glad to hear everything is going so well. You sound like you were made to be pregnant!

  6. So thrilled to read this update!! He’s amazing.

  7. My heavens, Mama, your little boy is one looker! I am so happy with everything you have written, I absolutely love it. Your words are always just perfect.

  8. I’m so happy for you–you seem blissful :) Thank you for sharing your joy. XOXO

  9. This all sounds so lovely!

  10. So glad that you’re doing so well and have found a doctor you are comfortable with. Good to see that the little one is growing and doing great!

  11. I love how happy you sound these days! Your boy is lucky to have you as a mom! Your Irish lady story made me lol. :)

  12. Courtney

     /  July 11, 2014

    Beautiful baby…beautiful momma. I’m one of the ones not there…yet. Still healing from last year’s 2 losses. Thank you for sharing your story of hope.

  13. Yay for a great OB! and Yay for 19 weeks! Huge Congrats on this milestone :)


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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