Walter Mitty made me cry/ Ma-Maw rocking the ALZ unit


Thank you, honeypies, for thinking of me. I always feel like I have this crowd of prayers and well-wishers out there, pulling for me. Of course, everything is fine! They want my Vit D level at 30, and it is at 29. No big deal. In fact, nurse said my Vitamin D level is much higher than most women’s is in early pregnancy at this point. All other blood tests: perfect.

Walter Mitty made me cry

In the evening, my hormones are kind of hilarious. The night before last, I just started bawling on the couch. “I miss my mom! I want to go home!” I cried. And then, like magic, she called. And I cried the same thing to her. Last night, we watched that Ben Stiller movie Walter Mitty. Now it really is a charming movie, filled with gorgeous shots of Greenland and Iceland, but prior to pregnancy, I definitely would not have cried at the end. But last night? Bawling again. “I just feel so moved by everything,” I told DH. “Everything is so beautiful it hurts.”

Oh boy!

What happens is I cry so hard that phlegm trickles down my throat and then I go gag it back up in the toilet. It has become an evening routine. That routine combined with my constant Jabba the Hutt belching and flatulating makes me amazing company indeed!

Ma-Maw rocking the ALZ unit

I don’t think I have written much about my beloved Ma-Maw (maternal grandmother). It would take me volumes to describe her. For now I’ll just say this: She is beautiful, hilarious, “ornery” (her word for herself), warm, kind, nurturing, and laughs harder than anyone I know. I love her with an intensity that is hard to describe. She and I have always been incredibly close. Anyone who meets her falls in love with her. She’s blessed with a wide open heart and a love of people that has withstood the craziest things (just like her mom before her, my Great Ma-Maw, who had a capacity for forgiveness that I’ve never seen before or after).

Anyway, my Ma-Maw has had Alzheimer’s for many years now. She has lived with my aunt during the last few. But her sundowning and other symptoms have just gotten too extreme for my poor aunt to handle. And so…Ma-Maw moved to a nursing home about a week ago.

But listen to this: She is the bowling champion, the basketball champion, and has been putting nothing but holes-in-one at mini-golf. (I think all of these activities are modified, and indoors, by the way.) She has made a best friend, and they are two peas in a pod. My aunt recently watched her (without Ma-Maw knowing) sitting outside with two ladies, cracking up as usual. She walks up to each new person she sees in the hallways and hugs them (she has always been a hugger) and apparently, she got a 101-year-old woman who had not eaten for several days to eat her dinner. “Now honey,” she said, as the nurse held out the spoon to the woman,”you gotta eat something or you’ll just whittle away.” And the woman smiled and opened up her mouth and ate.

That woman! She amazes me. I think she is going to be okay there. My mom said that so far she hasn’t expressed even one negative thing about being there. She is generally confused and doesn’t quite understand why she’s there, but she is enjoying the activities and being around people all day immensely.

Makes this pregnant Jabba so proud, and teary.

When I go home in June, I’ll go visit her every day. So thankful that they had a bed for her. So thankful that it is only a 15 minute drive away from my parents place. It’s odd to know that she will live out the rest of her years there, but I’m so glad that so far, she has maintained her sweetness, her love of people and of life. I know that that can change, in the coming years. But for now, it’s as good as it gets.

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  1. The hormones are no joke! I cry at the drop of a hat these days. My officemate, who has a 6 month old, was really upset one day because her milk supply is dwindling and she has to wean her son before she wants too. She was telling me this and she started to tear up and then all of a sudden I’m crying too! So awkward, haha.

    My sweet sweet Grandmother had alzheimers as well. It was heart wrenching. When she had to be put in the locked section of her retirement home, she was still cognizant enough to know it was a social downgrade, but not cognizant enough to see it was for her safety. She turned quite bitter and angry, mainly towards my mother, since she knew my mom made the call to have her moved. She’d always been the nicest, sweetest, most loving woman. It was horrific to watch, but it was all the disease. I’m so so glad your Ma Maw is sweet and happy! Treasure that so hard. In the hours before my grandma died, she had moments of complete lucidity, where she actually thanked my mom and uncles for being there and helping her go. My mother said it was incredible to get these snippets of her old mom coming back before she passed and it gave her so much peace. The brain is a wondrous thing.

    (and now I’m crying again, shocker!)

    • I’m so glad to hear she had those moments of lucidity and connection at the end! Yeah, ma Maw has had her moments when she was not Ma-Maw–like when she told my aunt: “I hope your children die!” Unbelievable what this disease does…I’m so thankful she isn’t aware, doesn’t remember those moments. When I see her, we sing Loretta Lynn songs together and she remembers every word!

  2. I saw Walter Mitty in the theater during one of my lonesome spells out in Denver without DH–also emotional, also cried like a baby, lol!

  3. Whoa, had to go back and read your PTSD post–sorry about that sweets! But glad it everything is ok–did they tell you to get some sunshine or did they want you to supplement more vitamin D? Your G’ma sounds real cool, glad she’s in a good spot. XOXO

  4. She sounds like such a sweetie! Glad all is fine hon x


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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