My 10-week-old homunculus and me

I made it to 10 weeks

I made it to 10 weeks

Back at 5 weeks, back when I was shaking in my boots, I started this circular timeline in my sketchbook. I told myself that if I could fill the page with color, if I could make it to 10 weeks, then I was in golden territory. I should have taken a photo of it when it was a mostly white page. That white page was kind of frightening to look at. I’d thought I would visit the page every day, and really enjoy painting each tube-worm-finger thing with each day that passed, but I didn’t. The white was too anxiety-provoking. I would wait until an entire week had passed, and then I’d fill in that week’s days all at once.

Yesterday, incredibly, I reached 10 weeks, and I got to fill in all the days in the entire circle. Back at 5 weeks, I kept picturing this image I am presenting here, a page full of color, and thought that if I could reach that vision, anything, absolutely anything, was possible.

And here we are!

I’ve got a little homunculus growing inside me. I am fascinated by what’s happening to him or her right now. Baby is about 1 1/2 inches long. When I looked at a ruler just now to see how long that is, I was surprisedThat’s pretty big! Knees are developing and elbows are already working. Bones and cartilage are forming. It has tiny muscles. Its stomach is working and its kidneys are making more urine. It’s eyes are still on the side of its head, its ears are in its neck, and its intestines are in the umbilical cord (!). Teeth buds are happening. Lips, nose, eyelids are there. Brain cells multiplying. I believe all of the organs have formed. Nasal passages. Tongue and palate. Oh, and also–if it’s a boy, its testes are making testosterone already.

Truly miraculous.

Baby and I have had two good days in a row—no nausea and decreased fatigue!—and I’m putting together a giant list of things to do.

Unfortunately, after all of our expenditures lately (including a $60 copay every time I go to the doctor and get an ultrasound, rar) things are getting tight just when I’m feeling myself launch into super-nester mode…

But I’m keeping that gym membership because I think I will actually use it, if my stretches of good days keep coming. I went this morning and the elliptical machine felt great. My What to Expect book tells me that babies born of moms who exercise 30 min/day are more fit, weather and recover from labor and delivery better, sleep through the night sooner, are better able to soothe themselves, are less prone to colic, and score higher on intelligence tests by age 5. That list motivates me to exercise like no other I’ve ever come across—funny how already my choices are influenced by having this little life to consider in addition to my own.

My favorite Thursday yoga class is donation ($5) and prenatal yoga on Tuesday is $15. So when I add in my gym membership, that puts me at about $140/month on exercise—not great, but not horrifying. I’m making DH’s lunches now, cutting down his lunch expense from $50/ week to probably about $10 – 15. Am trying to read mostly free books on my kindle.

We’ve been so focused on getting to this point for so long, and now we’re feeling free to think about grownup things like life insurance and investments. DH and I are not a financially savvy couple, to say the very least. I need to teach myself about investments, retirement funds, and how to manage debt. I have so much to learn! Up to this point, I’ve been scrambling to get my life together after the huge decision to change careers at a late age. (DH also changed careers at a late age.) Perhaps DH and I will always be a little bit behind our peers, but we will be in careers that we love, and we will have a child.

He and I have been in particularly playful moods lately. I hear the difference in our laughter—I just feel like a layer of gray weight has been skimmed off of us. At a diner this weekend, we played What am I?, where one person has a thing in mind and the other person has to ask a million yes-or-no questions to try to figure it out. “Korean character” was the hardest one (mine), followed by “Egg McMuffin” (also mine). We kept playing it in the car and until we were on our favorite beach, on a red Mexican blanket, rolling in the sand laughing. It’s hard to describe how free I felt. It’s hard to put into words the difference in my spirit.

Also, we had sex! Halle-freaking-lujah. I was not comfortable having his penis inside me until this past weekend. Poor man. I actually wasn’t comfortable having it inside me from the moment I started vaginal suppositories this cycle. So it has been, ahem, something like two months. Of course, we’ve been having oral sex, so it wasn’t totally bleak, but our sex life was decidedly more snuggle-cuddle than hot. And after the embryo transfer, I was paranoid about having orgasms myself until very recently. But once I let DH go down on me once, the paranoia had a way of fleeing forevermore (he’s talented, what can I say). So we had a sexy weekend. At one point, I put on bikini underwear and a tight white top and black heels and let my super-long hair down and I felt sexy, I felt like my old self. I had to ask him at one point: “Does my new belly bother you at all?” And I could tell by his expression when he said, “No way,” that he meant it. I think—I hope—we’ll be able to keep up this part of our relationship for quite a few months—I don’t know what the last trimester is like, but I’m sure we’ll be able to throughout the second trimester. Our sexual relationship has always been an important part of our overall relationship, and we’d both missed it so much.

Am off to eat my second mini-lunch and go for a walk now. Baby likes the sunshine.

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9 Comments

  1. Jo

     /  May 5, 2014

    Happy Day!

    Reply
  2. Great stuff :) xx

    Reply
  3. Love the art! Looks great! Very happy for you :)

    Reply
  4. You are rocking this pregnancy!

    Reply
  5. Such a happy vibe to this post– so glad everything is going so well!

    Reply
  6. Julia

     /  May 6, 2014

    I think that would make beautiful nursery art. I’m picturing 3 paintings. One for each trimester.

    Glad you are feeling more like yourself. :)

    Reply
  7. I nominated you for a Liebster! See my post for details: http://invertigofertizo.wordpress.com/2014/05/06/feeling-the-love/

    Reply
  8. Your happiness warms my heart. It’s literally jumping off the screen in each post your write. You so deserve that. xoxo

    Reply
  9. Art and sex?! So happy for you both. I have no doubt its nice to be feeling better!

    Reply

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