Yay yay yay, yeah yeah yeah, wooooooo!

I will never grow tired of saying the words: Everything looks perfect. Heartbeat is strong. Baby is measuring 9 weeks 2 days. The heartbeat was either 172 or 179—I was too excited at the time she said the number, and don’t recall—and my gestational sac now looks like hot dog. (: Dr. SR says it’ll go from hot dog, to sausage, to watermelon. Oh! My little baby is loving it inside its warm, watery home and is going to stay with me!

Here is that beautiful sound, the sound of new life:

I of course immediately sent this video to my mom, dad, aunt, and brother.

I wasn’t as nervous this time, more excited than nervous, and DH said, “I wonder how long it will take for ultrasounds to be associated with happiness not fear?” I actually think that switch happened today. No shaky crazy-sounding sobs this time, just laughter and smiles and pure, pure joy. The tech said: “Man, I would love to be a fly on the wall the day this baby is born.”

“The most loved baby in the universe,” I said, and then I did start to cry.

After she left, the tears kept flowing. And flowing. With my pants still off and my heels still in stirrups, I said to DH, “I’ve been sending all of this love and nurturing and joy down there, and this time, it worked. I did that in the past, and it didn’t work. But this baby likes being inside me! This baby is going to stay with me!”

Tears, tears. I had a good, deep catharsis. Baybo hugged me and hugged me.

After that, grinning. Just grinning. Just happy. Dr. SR assured me that it was okay that I was not eating as many vegetables as I usually do (they are grossing me out) and said that the important thing in the first trimester is hydration. “Soups, juices, even Gatorade,” he said.

He also gave me my official due date. You ready?

December 2nd!

Yay yay yay.

During the drive home, I was so happy, commenting on everything around us with such fascination, that DH began joshing me about it. “Look at that!” I said, pointing to the mist settling over a grassy green tree-filled space. “It looks like the Irish countryside!”

DH laughed. “You are in a really good mood,” he said. Then he goes: “Look at this road! It’s just so—road-like you know? It’s like we’re in Spain or something.”

I joined him. “Running with the bulls,” I said.


“Look at that traffic light! Isn’t light amazing? It’s like…light. You know?”

This went on and on, until we were in hysterics laughing.

Today, I will nap and read pregnancy books. Tonight, I will go to yoga. I haven’t written about it yet, but I went to my first prenatal yoga class on Tuesday, and it was wonderful. I needed to stretch so badly, and the stretching actually helped ease nausea. I was with three other women, all of whom were in their third trimester! They were giant. It was a big step for me, going to prenatal yoga. I went to a prenatal yoga class my first pregnancy—and then of course had to stop. I went to a prenatal yoga class my first donor egg pregnancy—and of course had to stop going to that one too. I did NOT want to have that experience again, of starting then stopping—and now I don’t have to. Thank you God. Abounding gifts.

After the class, the women shared their ultrasound photos— extreme close-ups of their babies’ faces, with such detail! They also had baby photos of themselves. They were comparing their faces as babies to the in-utero faces of their babies. The resemblances were immediately recognizable. It was one of those moments—I’m sure one of many to come—when I was aware that I was pregnant with a donor egg baby. And you know what? It just didn’t bother me. I will never be doing what these women were doing, but I could care less. My experience is going to be somewhat different, but it’s not going to be diminished in any way. After all of the signs of life and heart-strength I’ve witnessed in just a handful of weeks, I have a burgeoning, beautiful love filling up my being for this miraculous little life who has decided (thank you my baby) to be one with me. I could not be happier or more satisfied. Nothing is missing. I cannot stop smiling!

In other news, I’ve decreased from two to one Crin.one a day and from 4 to 2 estrogen patches every three days. This mama is moving toward independence!

Leave a comment


  1. JB

     /  May 1, 2014

    I’m so happy for you!

  2. Aw, this is a beautiful post. So happy for you!!

  3. I love the happiness in this post. :)

  4. Tess

     /  May 1, 2014

    So happy for you!!!

  5. I love reading your posts! I always smile while reading and I am just so overjoyed for you! xo


  6. Congrats! This is really fabulous news.

  7. I’m so happy for you, and that little video brought tears to my eyes. I understand these feelings you have so well!

    I’ve been thinking about doing a prenatal yoga class, and thinking about a time when I have to go to other prenatal classes, knowing I will probably be the only one who is carrying a donor egg baby. I want to go, but I feel so very far removed from the average pregnant woman that the thought fills me with anxiety. Hopefully I will be able to take a leaf out of your book!


  8. So happy for you!!!

  9. Yeehaw honey! This is so fun to read. Im so excited for 2nd December! Bring it on!!!
    I’m doing a prenatal yoga class too now. Love it! I would go everyday if I could! Big step hun, I’m super impressed! Sending love as always xxx

  10. Love this post! So glad things are looking so completely awesome and you’re brimming with such deep love.

  11. This is awesome and you deserve every second of it.

  12. Beautiful. I am so glad that each ultrasound is met with less fear and more joy…even if it’s incremental each time! SO much love in this post. Congratulations on continued good news, FINALLY! :)

  13. I think about the resemblance issue too, with donor egg in the works. I’m glad to hear that it wasn’t a big deal for you, it gives me lots of comfort!

  14. mo

     /  May 2, 2014

    most awesomest news!


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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