시어머니 + 시아버지: a welcome surprise

Well you might remember my saying, once upon a time, that DH and I would NEVER tell his parents about using donor egg. We had some good reasons. But we did it! Last night. And the response was lovely. This is a very healing moment in a relationship (mine with them) that has had many ups and downs. This is what my mother-in-law wrote to us:
“Dad said upon hearing the news, ‘We pray for the good health of the teeny baby and the “엄마”- to- be, that’s most important.’ We are very thankful that you bravely went through the procedure, and now are expecting with the new life within you. Yeah! It is exciting!!! Thank you for the happy news, take care, do not tire yourself, rest well, eat well. Again, we are so very thankful, will wait to hear more from you.
시어머니 + 시아버지”
“Bravely”! I did not expect that.
Okay, I am going to go back to wandering around my house aimlessly with a dopey grin on my face, which is what I’ve been doing mostly since yesterday morning. That and eating my new favorite food, which coats my fickle belly: cereal with bananas. Is it bad that I’ve had six bowls in two days? Errrm…


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  1. Excellent response! I am curious now that everything is going so well, how much of the success if this cycle do you attribute to your state of mind, being away from your job, having time to do what you want and taking such good care of yourself? Cause? Coincidence?

    • Oh boy—that is the million dollar question! I would of course like to attribute it to the changes I made. The strict gluten-free diet. The looser anti-inflammation diet. The extraction of most stress from my life. The gobs of sleep. The art therapy. The Zoloft!

      But I know that I just will never know for sure if all of that was the cause…because if this doesn’t work out (always a possibility) it won’t be because of anything I did or didn’t do. And I know women who did not change anything, and did not have hope, but went on to have success.

      That said, the story my mind likes is one that has to do with body memory. After so many traumas, my body has memorized loss. It knows loss, feels “comfortable” in loss. Who knows, after all, all of the intricate, subtle, unchartable ways in which trauma affects the body? Etches itself on physiology? In this version of the story, I needed time to “retrain” my body—and my mind and spirit—to open itself to life. I needed to focus exclusively on healing and moving on. I’ve never had the luxury to do something like that, and it was marvelous.

      The other component that I am interested in, as a clinician, is Zoloft. I wonder if there are any studies out there, or underway, investigating Zoloft, RPL, and pregnancy outcomes. That drug *really* helped me calm the hell down. I had more anxiety than I realized—even after getting diagnosed with PTSD, I didn’t quite realize that I didn’t need to struggle daily with moderating my levels of depression, anxiety, paranoia on my own. All of those things are completely normal human reactions to repeated trauma, but they are very difficult to totally regulate without a tiny bit of chemical help.

      I’ll probably be parsing this one out for a long time! xo

  2. Yay! More prayers answered!!

  3. So incredibly happy for you! Of course she said bravely, you are crazy brave, lady and she’s a mom, she would see that even if she’s had other obstacles to loving you for you in the past. Go celebrate with a bowl of cereal avec banana. (Yech, I hate banana, that sounds so gross to me but I’m glad you are liking it!).

    I have but one of four parents (my own or partner’s) left and I don’t know if we’ll tell him (my dad). My one in-real-life confidante has been my sister-in-law. I told her first about today’s fert report and I know I’ll tell her about the other firsts because she’s the only family I’m telling anything at this point. I would tell my mom if she were around. I wish she were. Your mom must be so excited!!

    • Yeah, mom is pretty excited! I’m so sorry yours is not around. I’m glad you have an in-family confidante. Mine, at this point, are my mom and my aunt. It’s such a treat to make their day when I send them a text with ultrasound photo.

  4. That is so wonderful! I love when you get an unexpected response in such a warm and caring way. And yes, bravely! They must be so excited. I am so glad that the conversation went well! Hooray for good news all the way around!

  5. Violet

     /  April 18, 2014

    That really warms my heart. This little one that is growing inside of you is already making his or her mark.

  6. That is fantastic news. It’s lovely how people can surprise us sometimes.

  7. Glad it went better than you expected! That gives me hope if we end up going that route.


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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