Foregoing numberlessness

Now that I have positive validation via ultrasound, I told all folks involved that I am foregoing numberlessness. I officially can now handle the numbers and not be driven bananas by them. Which is why I was fine talking gestational sac size today.

So: I got my betas. It turns out that Beta 1 was 295, Beta 2 was 942, and today’s Beta is 12, 153. I have no idea what that “1600” number I glimpsed on the table was today, but it wasn’t a beta—perhaps I should stop myself from reading ballpoint-ink scrawled letters and numbers upside down and making assumptions about them, eh? I just wanted to clear that up, in case anyone was curious.

Progesterone is looking excellent for Crinone: 11.7. And estrogen is at 889. Whew. Hurdles all passed. If I weren’t pregnant, I would have a giant, ice-cold, gluten-free beer right now and just go, Ahhhhhh, for about an hour. Instead, I went for a walk in the brisk spring air, listening to my magic playlist.

Dr. SR had a rock from a fertility shrine in Mexico on his window ledge. I have to find out which shrine it was—he says it was built in 500 or something like that. He said that the clinic has had a good morning this morning—two women who’ve experienced recurrent miscarriage “graduated.” He said, with his usual only-half-joking humility, that “maybe this place has magic in it.” He then encouraged me, if I felt inclined, to touch the stone from the Mexican fertility shrine. I couldn’t believe it. What RE does this sort of thing? So I picked it up. I wrapped my hands around it and felt the warmth it had soaked up from the sun on the window ledge. I didn’t think anything more specific than LOVE. It’s just what came to me. LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE. I opened my eyes and thought: What is this place? I felt pretty fortunate to have landed up there.

Talking to DH on the phone was pure delight. He sighed in relief about a thousand times. “Tell me,” he said. “Tell me again about its perfectness.” I could hear him smiling.

I texted my mom and she texted back a giant list of names of people, at her workplace and in the family, who are all praying for us. I asked her to please thank all of them for me. Maybe I will write that group FB personal message soon. Maybe I can make that leap now. We’ll see. I sure do like feeling less isolated this time around.

Oh, to hold onto this relief. To hold onto this ease. I know that it will be impossible to stay zenned during the entirety of the next seven days, but I will try my best to stay centered.


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  1. I think you are doing amazing staying centering! Especially with hearing the numbers, rock touching and sharing. Hold on!! That’s a good mantra to have. Glad that DH was smiling. Wishing you both many more delights to come!

  2. This brings tears to my eyes. You deserve this beautiful sac, excellent (so excellent!) numbers, and answered prayers. Still praying this little one continues to grow and thrive inside you!

  3. linz

     /  April 3, 2014

    I am relatively new to reading your blog but when I found it I went back and read every single entry over the course of one evening. I am so thrilled for you!!! Truly happy for both you and your husband and I hope there’s plenty more happy posts to read. :). Your story brings hope to me and your strength and positive attitude are a wonderful example of how I hope to be.

    • Wow, what a lovely thing to say to a person—I am so touched by your words! I can’t believe you read them all, to say I’m honored you took the time to do that is an understatement. Thank you for caring about my story. As for the positive attitude, it’s wonderful to hear that I can be inspiring in any way—it has taken me a long time to get here, but I’m telling you, it truly is the best way to be. Not just for me, but for all of the people in my life. I know that if things don’t work out I will be devestated and might have to experience quite a bit of darkness, but I also know I can always come back to love and light. It’s a choice I just have to keep making over and over! xo

  4. Well the numbers sound super encouraging! Happy to keep reading good news!!

  5. Hahaha love the rock! You are doing excellent with all the numbers. Great news and still praying.

    • I appreciate that so much. I wish I could have taken that rock home! Dr. SR also has a wizard hat in his office that is good luck—I asked if I could wear it all week this week, and he just laughed (but I was only half-joking).

  6. Congratulations!! Your doc sounds so wonderful and just perfect for you. Can’t wait to read more good news!!

  7. Those numbers are fantastic!! Continuing to send you well wishes for this pregnancy. I have a great feeling!! xoxo


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  • Posts By Month


  •© the unexpected trip,, 2012-2017.
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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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