5 a.m. Dorothy, sipping ginger tea

After I wrote my last post, literally five seconds after I hit “publish,” I ran to the toilet and threw up everything in my stomach! Well, no, not everything, because, oh-goody, there was something left for me to throw up when I woke up again at 4 a.m. After that 4 a.m. upchuck, I made an unwise decision—after urinating approximately five billion times throughout the night, and several  hours away from 4dp, I took a pregnancy test, and of course it was negative. HCG supposedly doesn’t usually even begin to enter the system until 6dp. I’m not even counting that one. But it did shake me to my senses and now I think I’m going back to my original plan of waiting until beta 1 day (Monday) to test. Besides, I don’t need a test, because am listening to my body, and my body is saying: you are pregnant. I do hope it’s true, and that this is not some fluke flu. I haven’t had a flu virus in over a decade. Also, this just doesn’t feel like a flu. It feels like the nausea I had the last time I was pregnant, replete with that tight feeling in my stomach, and a heightened sensitivity to scents. I am belching constantly, it is truly disgusting.  I slept until noon yesterday. I couldn’t imagine leaving the bed, but I finally did, only to shakily try keeping down some bread and water. While camped out on the couch, I slowly introduced various things into my system—raspberry-blueberry-lime smoothie, a tiny bit of humus on crackers, ginger tea. I didn’t throw up again but felt nauseous all day long, with very brief reprieves. I watched It’s Kind of a Funny Story, which was just my speed, and all of the parts that might have usually had me rolling my eyes a little moved me, and the final montage had me crying and crying. I called DH and left a teary message. I felt as though I didn’t have any control over my tears, and the tears felt so good. Then DH came home and we watched An Education, which was excellent. As soon as it was over, I wanted to watch something else, because it seemed like movies were the only thing that helped keep my mind off the constant nagging nausea. I tried eating a little of the dinner DH made for us—plain brown rice, steamed tofu scrambled with olive oil and yeast flakes, spinach—but that was tough, and I managed only a few bites. Then I watched the first episode of Cosmos (excellent) and proceeded to roll around on the hard floor, trying to work the aches out of my back. Back to the couch, where I read until I couldn’t keep my eyes open, and by the time I stumbled back to the bedroom, I was actually feeling not-nauseous. Just woke up a bit ago, and the nausea is back a little, so am sipping ginger tea.

That’s the exciting play-by-play! I feel heavy in my abdomen. I keep stroking it. I think I might have mentioned already that when I go to therapy, I record my therapist’s guided visualizations, so I have a 30-minute one for the embryo transfer. I listened to it with my hands over my womb, and definitely felt better afterward, physically and otherwise, and fell right to sleep.

The first thing I did when I woke up at 5 a.m. was open my Inner Child Cards Workbook, and it fell open to “Seeker of Wands.” Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. I smiled. That’s just what I need right now:



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  1. That sounds like the impromptu hangover I had this weekend! I was wishing it was morning sickness instead. Hang in there sweets. XO

    • I almost hurled reading your post about your drinking and puking! Ha! I’m glad you had a wild night out—but so sorry you had to pay for it so dearly, ugh. xoxo

  2. Do you use a lot of Tarot cards? I don’t have much experience with them myself but I do read my angel cards all the time.

  3. How are you feeling today?? It seems crazy early to have that type of violent vomiting from pregnancy.. Did you and DH eat the same thing?

    • it’s not actually impossible, it does happen. i’ve been nauseous pretty much all day long every day since i threw up, but haven’t actually thrown up again. plus i have a host of other symptoms and know what they feel like from previous times. we’ll see. yes, dh and i ate the same thing.


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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