Good night’s sleep and pretty day/ Owl and me and the babies

A good night’s sleep! Ahhhhhh. Makes such a huge difference. Didn’t sleep so well the night before I traveled. Traveling went smoothly, even through 45 mile an hour winds. I immediately went to whole foods and ate the most delicious dinner while DH and I wise-cracked on the phone. Then I bought ingredients for my nutribullet—I actually went to the store around the corner from my hotel and bought one because I am that much of an addict to my kale-fruit-nut-seed mornings. My mom is going to buy it off of me and take it home with her to Ohio. I am, even now, drinking one while listening to the playlist I put together for this trip, which rocks. Next up: clean this hotel room, which looks like a hurricane hit it, as I flung this and that about in my fatigue last night (although I was not too tired to watch an hour of Bridesmaids, and then proceed to have dreams featuring Jon Hamm, oh dear). Then yoga, meditation, and a visit to the sketchbook.

Driving down the highway, away from the airport, last night, I felt a tingle of connection. All this time, in therapy, I have been visualizing sending energy down to my embryos in the lab at RBA. And now I am here, and they are so close. I felt a little jolt when I drove past Johnson Ferry Road, the road that RBA is on. “I’m here,” I said out loud. “Hello!”

I keep seeing owls. Not actual owls, but owls on people’s shirts. There was an owl-girl on the plane, an owl-girl at the trance dance, various other owls. During the shamanic journeys I’ve been taking, to the backdrop of a double-drumming recording, owl has been my power animal in the celestial realm. The day before yesterday, I had one that was quite powerful…

I started out, as usual, in the middle realm, looking up at a beautiful swirling stormy sky. A swirl of bright blue and a swirl of yellow appeared in the sky, and I followed them over to a rainbow. The yellow and blue became part of the yellow and blue of the rainbow, and I dipped my hand into them, withdrawing fingers coated in blue and yellow paint. They took me up the rainbow, we broke through the clouds, and on the other side was a vast expanse of quilted white clouds for as far as the eye could see. They kept going up and up, into outerspace, but I couldn’t fly that high. That is when Owl appeared in her pure white magnificence and I jumped on her back. We followed the blue and yellow swirls of light into a vast black expanse where the stars hung like white egg-shaped orbs. We went inside one of these orbs, and it was pure white that went on and on. A waterfall of milk cascaded into a pool, steam rising from the pool. I climbed into the pool. It was soothing, like a hot tub. I danced in the milk. Then I rested against the side of the pool, my head sticking out of the milk, my arms on either side of the edge of the pool, supporting me. And that’s when the two sides of the white ground outside the pool lit up, half yellow, half blue, beneath my hands. Again, I pulled my hands up to find yellow and blue paint on my fingers. Then I dug down into the blue and pulled up a bronze statue of a little infant child. It was the same color of the embryos-in-uterus I had painted recently, dipping my fingers in bronze paint and fingerpainting them. I dipped the bronze baby statue in the hot milk pool, and when I pulled it up, the bronze paint had melted off and it was my flesh-and-blood baby. I put the baby in a blanket at the side of the pool, and Owl wrapped the baby. I did the same thing on the yellow side of the pool—digging the bronze baby statue up out of the ground, dipping the statue in the milk, the bronze paint melted off, and then there was my second flesh-and-blood baby. Owl did the swaddling.

Then I became Owl, huge and maternal. I strapped the babies to my back and flew out of the egg-star. My wingspan was enormous. I was flying with ease and grace through black space and stars toward Earth. When we reached our planet, we touched down in a forest, and my wingspan was as wide as the forest itself, and I was taller than the tallest tree. I shrunk down to my human size and my human self. There were two cribs in the forest, nestled among fallen pine needles. I placed the babies there and danced a blessing around them.

Yeah. That’s what shamanic journeys are like!

Okay, off to start my day. I’ll keep keeping you posted. Thank you so much for your lovely words of encouragement and beautiful wishes yesterday. Hugging you with my giant owl wings.

Leave a comment


  1. I am so excited for your future!!

  2. Wishing you (all 3 of you!) strength for this leg of your journey. Hoping for the best possible outcome!

  3. I am digging all this wellness you have been drawing and drinking and dancing as of late on this journey… am loving this tranformation in what you convey in your writing too, so powerful, vivid, and contagious! We’re all flying behind you owl mama!

  4. Andrea

     /  March 13, 2014

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow as I also have my transfer. I’m here in Atlanta too but at a different clinic. Sending good vibes to us both!

  5. kb

     /  March 13, 2014

    I am literally 3-4 miles down 285 from you if you need anything! I actually went to a different RE in town, but all of my friends go to RBA :) Email me if you have any questions too!

    • That’s amazing—-thank you! I actually just now got home with my mama, and transfer is tomorrow. It’s nice to know you are there. (:

  6. AndiePants

     /  March 13, 2014


  7. I want to hear more about your Shamanic journeys! Awesome stuff :)

    • I’m so glad you enjoyed—I always feel a little bit vulnerable sharing that sort of thing because they’re so personal, but it was fun to do and am glad I did. I’ll share more!

  8. I love your owl journey! What a powerful and amazing visualization (if that’s even the right word for it). I am so excited for you as you are so, so close to your little embryos. I’m glad the traveling went well if bumpy. Good luck to you at this hopeful, powerful point in your cycle! (I will wear an owl shirt tonight to try to send out some energy to you!!!)

  9. Eeeek! So excited, best of luck! I cannot wait to hear more!

  10. I am so excited for all of this and so crazy, wicked stoked about how well it went! Little embies, you are so lucky to be with mom!!


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