Sitting here in LGA

I am sitting in an airport restaurant bedecked with iPads at Laguardia, where I’ve eaten a salad and snuck one of my homemade gluten-free fruit-nut cookies out of my tote and into my mouth. Beside me is my lightly packed suitcase (aside from the white noise machine, GPS, and heating pad) and toiletry bag full of medications and my sketchbook of artwork—the latter being an indulgence, considering how heavy it has become. I think I’m doing okay. Pretty good, actually. Pretty calm. The occasional blip of feeling like an object of pity for hopping on my third plane in three years in an effort to bring home baby, for packing the same bag with meds, for looking out the taxi window with the same thoughts as last time: when I come back this way next, I’ll have the embryo/s inside me. And then my mind will spin ahead to the sixth week, which just so happens to fall right before the weekend of a big wedding DH is officiating, and at which we are sure to be photographed plenty. Thoughts like: will they allow me to skip the 6 week ultrasound and just wait til 7? Or should I get the 6 week ASAP, in order to have enough time to…go to the hospital…should things go…

No. let that go. Okay for it to arise. Not okay to hold it close.

Visualizations and journey-work has been magical. And DH and I have been laughing a lot. He asked me what he could do for me, and I said that all I want right now is to keep things as light as possible. To joke and laugh. To not take myself too seriously. So he has happily obliged. But this morning, before he left for work, he came up to me with tears in his eyes and wordlessly hugged me. We didn’t have to say anything. There was nothing to say.

Time for me to find my gate, ladies. Taking your vibes with me.

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  1. Wishing you so much luck and sending strength sweetie, so excited! xxx

  2. Prayers!

  3. Good luck!!

  4. Positive vibes!!!!

  5. Treyton

     /  March 12, 2014

    All my prayers! I’m heading there on the 24th for the same reason after going to CCRM trying one last time with my own. I understand ALL your emotions, and can honestly say hoe excited I am for you. Stay strong, and positive.

  6. Good luck and tons of positive vibes!!

  7. I can’t imagine how exhausting all that travel is along with everything else! Good luck!!

  8. Sending positive vibes!

  9. Yes, and two luscious orbs eager to make you a mom! With you in spirit :)

  10. AndiePants

     /  March 12, 2014

    Light and love and luck and woo . . .all headed your direction!

  11. Hey lady, I just keep remembering all the signs you’ve had–so many affirmations. I’m sending you “warm fuzzies” and lots of love. XOXO

  12. Clare

     /  March 12, 2014

    Good luck! Keep that positivity and lightness of spirit. x

  13. Praying for you girlie!!

  14. Good luck!

  15. JK

     /  March 12, 2014

    Love, peace and strength to you and your embryos! This is it!

  16. Wishing you lots of luck for your THB this time:-) I’m a few days behind you–got the go ahead to move up my ET to Monday…

  17. Good luck! Sending baby dust and sticky vibes your way.

  18. Good luck girl!

  19. Good luck. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

  20. So nice to wake up to all of these comments! Yay! Thank you. Excited!


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  •© the unexpected trip,, 2012-2017.
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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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