Sitting here in LGA

I am sitting in an airport restaurant bedecked with iPads at Laguardia, where I’ve eaten a salad and snuck one of my homemade gluten-free fruit-nut cookies out of my tote and into my mouth. Beside me is my lightly packed suitcase (aside from the white noise machine, GPS, and heating pad) and toiletry bag full of medications and my sketchbook of artwork—the latter being an indulgence, considering how heavy it has become. I think I’m doing okay. Pretty good, actually. Pretty calm. The occasional blip of feeling like an object of pity for hopping on my third plane in three years in an effort to bring home baby, for packing the same bag with meds, for looking out the taxi window with the same thoughts as last time: when I come back this way next, I’ll have the embryo/s inside me. And then my mind will spin ahead to the sixth week, which just so happens to fall right before the weekend of a big wedding DH is officiating, and at which we are sure to be photographed plenty. Thoughts like: will they allow me to skip the 6 week ultrasound and just wait til 7? Or should I get the 6 week ASAP, in order to have enough time to…go to the hospital…should things go…

No. let that go. Okay for it to arise. Not okay to hold it close.

Visualizations and journey-work has been magical. And DH and I have been laughing a lot. He asked me what he could do for me, and I said that all I want right now is to keep things as light as possible. To joke and laugh. To not take myself too seriously. So he has happily obliged. But this morning, before he left for work, he came up to me with tears in his eyes and wordlessly hugged me. We didn’t have to say anything. There was nothing to say.

Time for me to find my gate, ladies. Taking your vibes with me.

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21 Comments

  1. Wishing you so much luck and sending strength sweetie, so excited! xxx

    Reply
  2. Prayers!

    Reply
  3. Good luck!!

    Reply
  4. Positive vibes!!!!

    Reply
  5. Treyton

     /  March 12, 2014

    All my prayers! I’m heading there on the 24th for the same reason after going to CCRM trying one last time with my own. I understand ALL your emotions, and can honestly say hoe excited I am for you. Stay strong, and positive.

    Reply
  6. Good luck and tons of positive vibes!!

    Reply
  7. I can’t imagine how exhausting all that travel is along with everything else! Good luck!!

    Reply
  8. Sending positive vibes!

    Reply
  9. Yes, and two luscious orbs eager to make you a mom! With you in spirit :)

    Reply
  10. AndiePants

     /  March 12, 2014

    Light and love and luck and woo . . .all headed your direction!

    Reply
  11. Hey lady, I just keep remembering all the signs you’ve had–so many affirmations. I’m sending you “warm fuzzies” and lots of love. XOXO

    Reply
  12. Clare

     /  March 12, 2014

    Good luck! Keep that positivity and lightness of spirit. x

    Reply
  13. Praying for you girlie!!

    Reply
  14. Good luck!

    Reply
  15. JK

     /  March 12, 2014

    Love, peace and strength to you and your embryos! This is it!

    Reply
  16. Wishing you lots of luck for your THB this time:-) I’m a few days behind you–got the go ahead to move up my ET to Monday…

    Reply
  17. Good luck! Sending baby dust and sticky vibes your way.

    Reply
  18. Good luck girl!

    Reply
  19. Good luck. Sending lots of positive vibes your way.

    Reply
  20. So nice to wake up to all of these comments! Yay! Thank you. Excited!

    Reply

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