Baby hasn’t grown

I am losing my mind. The baby has not grown in the past week. The heart rate increased from 80 to 120, but no growth. The doctor took us into a room to tell us that he was concerned that this was going to be a miscarriage. I am going to a radiologist in a couple of hours to get another scan. But I know what is happening. I just don’t understand. I’ve had increased symptoms, and I felt so much growth going on down there this past week. I’ve been taking my medications perfectly, eating well, going to yoga…

I don’t think I can go through this again, I really don’t. This feels deeply frightening.


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  1. Thinking of you. I’m so sorry. XOXO

  2. I am SO sorry and I am sending you strength to get through this, no matter what the outcome is.
    Thank goodness for frozens and for the guarantee program. I know this stuff probably seems irrelevant right now because what is happening now is too much, but keep your backup plans in mind. That’s how I’ve gotten through hard times.
    And of course, I am holding you and the baby in my thoughts, hoping for good news despite this rocky start.

  3. AB

     /  October 7, 2013

    I am so very sorry to hear this news, and, am also remaining hopeful that the increased heartbeat is a sign that this star is holding on, and will thrive. These first weeks of pregnancy are so fraught, so frightening…like you, I’ve lost a handful early on and it’s hard not to feel that visceral wave of fear. Dive into it rather than take its brunt…it’ll wash over you. Hoping hard this is just a scare before good, calming news.

  4. My heart just sank when I read the title to your post. I am so sorry. I hope that the scan later today can show that things are not lost. I know you’ve been through so much. Hang in there. I’m sending you big, gigantic hugs.

  5. Oh, friend. I’m so so sorry to hear this. I really didn’t expect it to turn out this way. The increased heart rate is good news, but to be coupled with the lack of growth is disheartening (to drastically understate it). I’m thinking of you (still, and like crazy). xo

  6. Oh no. No no no no no. I have no words. But I am thinking of you. Remember, you are stronger than you know.

  7. I’m praying for you that the baby is just taking their time growing. The heartbeat is there and you are pregnant. Positive thoughts coming your way!

  8. Melana Kopman

     /  October 7, 2013

    There are no words. I am so so sorry that you are going through this roller coaster. We are all still hoping for good news. Thinking of you and little star.

  9. hope

     /  October 7, 2013

    I am so very sorry to hear this news… I am hoping this second scan will bring you good news.

  10. Oh man. This sucks royally. I am so sorry.

  11. I’m so so sorry, holding out hope for you xx

  12. I’m so, so sorry. I hope you have some good news at your next scan so very much x

  13. LH

     /  October 7, 2013

    My heart just dropped when I saw your email. I’m so sorry. You have a lot of love surrounding you, and you will get through this with all of us, no matter what happens.

  14. Shit shit shit. I’m sorry.

  15. Nina

     /  October 7, 2013

    That is tough but don’t give up, you have some more babies (eggs) waiting for you! You will have your baby in your arms, just don’t give up whatever happens. It will work out for you, I can feel it … A big hug and take care of yourself.

  16. Laurel

     /  October 7, 2013

    I’m angry and sad for you. It is hard not to question everything and wonder, WHY are we dealt this card? It just is soo hard to make sense of our misfortunes & losses. That being said, your story WILL have a happy ending. I promise you. I’m sorry that this may not be your moment, but your blessings are ahead of you. Please know that you have many people praying for you & your future family. XOXO.

  17. Oh hun, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been in that very position you’re in right now and I know how terrifying it is. You’ve done everything right, none of this is your fault. A beating heart is a beating heart and we have to remember that. Holding your hand for the next scan…xxx

  18. I am so sorry. Thinking of you.


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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