Happily awful, awfully happy

I am sick again—YAYAYEEE!

Driving this morning, I started dry-heaving at the wheel, almost pulled over, but made it through. Then I shouted with glee and fist-bumped the car ceiling. “I feel like shit!” I cried. “Yes!”

It started this morning, a little nausea, fuzzy-headedness, nothing major. But by the time we got to our morning appointment (with an accountant—we got an extension on our taxes and are doing them now), I was feeling seasick indeed. After the appointment, we went to a great restaurant for breakfast, and I loved my food ardently, as if I had never tasted food before. We had such a fun time, and I was feeling big, mushy love for DH and couldn’t keep my hands off him. We got in the car—and the nausea swelled and swelled.

“It must be so weird to feel bliss for feeling awful,” DH said.

“It is,” I said, dry-heaving, then grinning. “It really is.”

The day proceeded to be wonderfully hellish, including major fatigue, backache, constant peeing, sensitivity to poo-smells, and nausea. Weirdly, at the end of the day, I was having great difficulty reading the papers on my desk. I would get dizzy and squint and have to look away. Something is happening…

And while I’m delineating every last detail of my physical state, I’m sure much to your satisfaction, as it is to DH’s (ha ha ha), I might as well go the distance and tell you something else quite crazy that has happened twice before now, and happened again last night. I’m having…mmm…hands-free orgasms in my sleep. Really. I’ll be having a dream, not even a particularly sexy one—in the first one, I was picking up papers off my office floor and I had an O, and woke up. Yah. It happened another time last week. And then last night, for the first time in my life, I had multiple orgasms. In my sleep! From yet another not-that-sexy dream. I had three in a row, and then woke up. Wha??? Is this normal? Am I turning into a thirteen-year-old boy?

By the way, at our tax appointment, we added up the fertility-treatment damages from 2012, and the initial figure exceeded 40 thousand. We subtracted a few things, and ended up with a figure in the upper thirties. DH is claiming me as a dependent, and he will be getting his maximum amount back, which isn’t all that high—about five thousand. Well, it is better than nothing. And perhaps next year, when we have both paid into the system far more than we did in 2012, we’ll get much more back from the 30K we spent at RBA.

Now back to lying down. In short, I am happily awful, and awfully happy. Thanking baybina for saying to me today, “Of course I’m here.”

Leave a comment


  1. I feel your pain about the expenses adding up when you gather them for taxes. I think mine will come in at around the same total this year.. . And then some people just get pregnant for free.. or for the cost of some beer… or assume our health insurance is covering this stuff for us. Makes daycare prices not seem so bad (nah, they’re still bad, but a good problem to have in this case).

    Also… I had quite vivid sex dreams in early pregnancy too. I have no idea if other people experience it, but I did. Strange thing is, I had zero libido in my waking life. It started coming back slowly, in the second tri, though due to my spotting I’ve remained cautious. That’s one of the very few things I miss about not being pregnant. Wine, sex, and boot camp (a crazy hard class at the gym that I’ve given up). But it’s so worth it. All those things can come back again later.

    I don’t know if congrats is the right word, but anyway, glad you are back to feeling bad if that’s reassuring! Eagerly awaiting your next ultrasound, at which I am expecting to hear good news of a strong heartbeat.

  2. Happily awful and awfully happy is the perfect way to say it! I hope I get some of the orgasms! Add it to my order!

  3. Oh, I’m so glad you’re feeling awful! That seems so weird to say, but it must be such a relief to have symptoms you can cling to! :) Ugh, taxes are always depressing but at least there is some small payback for all the expense. Don’t forget mileage… you can claim that, too. I am so glad all is better than before and I hope all this heaving means a stronger heartbeat next ultrasound. And that is quite the side effect you’re having…enjoy!


Leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 214 other followers

  • Posts By Month

  • tut072012@gmail.com

  • DMCA.com© the unexpected trip, theunexpectedtrip.wordpress.com, 2012-2017.
  • Recent Posts By Title

  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

  • Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: