Feeling a little better

First off, thank you so much to all of you who sent me those reassurances throughout this sickeningly anxious day! You are simply THE BEST and I have no idea what I’d do without you.

RBA does not seem to be concerned in the least, and I’m going to try to follow the advice of a dear friend whom I saw recently: “Always remember: the doctors know more than you do.” And I will add to that the advice of many of you: Stay away from the internet!

We’ll see. I will try. I promise I’ll try.

Here is the RBA response I got today (in response to my anxious probing):

“We have received the results and Dr. Shapiro reviewed them. We understand that you are very anxious about the results, however we see these results all the time and they end up being viable pregnancies. There is always a risk of miscarriage with any pregnancy but at this point we are glad to see the heartbeat. All you can do now is continue taking your medications. We usually recommend repeating the ultrasound in two weeks but if you want, you can repeat the ultrasound in one week just for your peace of mind.

“Usually what happens is the heartbeat starts out at 60 beats per minute and slowly increases to over a 100 beats per minute between 6 and 7 weeks. Therefore Although the heartbeat measured on your ultrasound is indicated as low, it is not concerning at this point. As far as the measurement goes, it was measured at 6 weeks 1 day which is also normal. +/- 5 day variation is normal. The report indicates that the intrauterine pregnancy is consistent with the dates which means the growth of the fetus is where we like it to be at this time.”

Hm. Okay.

Then I got this from DH:

” ‘The lower the fetal heart rate is around six to EIGHT weeks the higher the miscarriage rate can be predicted.A fetal heart rate below 70 beats per minute around  six to EIGHT weeks usually predicts a miscarriage. A fetal heart rate below 90 beats per minutes is associated with a 86% miscarriage rate, and a fetal heart rate below 120 bpm is associated with a approximately 50% miscarriage rate. – See more at: http://www.babymed.com/ultrasound/fetal-heart-rate-ultrasound-and-miscarriage#sthash.qJq5VA1v.dpuf

This statistic is encouraging because we are at the very beginning of the six to eight week range. Little star’s heart rate could accelerate to above 120 by the end of the eight weeks,” he wrote.

Hm. Okay.

I’m digesting. Trying to let go of the fear. It came back to me lightening-quick, making me feel singled out, lonely, destined to be childless, abnormal, an object of pity, etc., etc. But I am feeling better. I will do my best to listen to the voices of reason and not listen to the internet. And ignore the word “low” on my ultrasound photos. I’m going to have to—I have an entire week ahead of wait-and-see…

No! Not a week!

Yes. But how difficult it is to accept. I’ll have to dig deep for peace these 7 days, but I think I will find it…either that or I’ll try to anesthetize myself with television.

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12 Comments

  1. Just catching up on all this since I was away all day for a work trip. I’m sorry the heartbeat check has brought such anxiety. But I think you must keep reading RBA’s email, over and over if that’s what it takes. They do not seem concerned, and they really seem to know what they are doing in our experience so far. Remember, you used a good, strong, healthy little embryo. Let’s hope and pray this is something you can look back on and wonder why such worry had to happen.

    Again, I’m sorry for such stress. I hope this week flies by, and you can be good and kind to yourself in the meantime. Keep me updated.

    Reply
    • You’re right, I know, and thank you for all of your encouragement! I am trying my best to stay positive and it does help to reread the email and the tone of no-concern. It’s so hard! Ugh ugh ugh. And you’re right—they know what they are doing, they know more than I do, they know more than the internet—just because I’ve had sugar-coating doctors in the past doesn’t mean that they are in that category. I’ll keep you posted. Loooong week ahead…

      Reply
  2. We will lift you up this week as best as we can :-) With love xoxo

    Reply
  3. hope

     /  October 1, 2013

    I am glad you feel more reassured and I hope you continue to get great news and feel wonderfully hopeful and confident the rest of your pregnancy. I think it is very hard to be pregnant following IF. I so hope it is easy and enjoyable for you. But, a lot of us carry a lot of anxiety through the process. I so hope it is the former for you but I also don’t believe in putting pressure on yourself to be one way or another. I think everyone feels better as the pregancy progresses and the trick is what you can do to get through the early days. I tell myself that “I have a very good chance of hainvg a healthy baby.” To me, this small change in phrasing makes is so much easier. I can get excited that I currently am facing the best odds I ever have in terms of having a healthy baby. I can get excited if I think of it as a possibility – a really high probability possibility. I don’t know if this works for anyone else, but it helps my IF scarred self. Good luck and congratulations again on the heartbeat!!

    Reply
    • It is very hard, crazy hard, harder than I expected! Scarred is right—ugh. But your mantra is strong. I am thinking of it. Thank you.

      Reply
    • I also want to give you a huge hug for saying you don’t believe in putting pressure on one way or another, that it is okay to be wreck! That made me feel better about having lost control a bit. (: xoxo

      Reply
  4. Hi, I just wanted to let you know that at my first ultrasound at 6 weeks my baby had a heart rate of 86. The tech was worried, but the doctor wasn’t. She said that that early on the pacemaker in the baby’s heart is very immature and often assumes a pace similar to the mothers. By 7 weeks the heart rate of 137. I am currently 15 weeks and everything is going well so far. I understand your concern but your baby’s heart does a lot of growing and maturing between 6 weeks and 8 weeks. Hopefully at your next ultrasound you will be reassured with a quicker heart beat.

    Reply
    • I’ve been thinking a lot of your word “immature” and clinging to that idea—it’s in the rudimentary stages—so thank you for that! I’m so glad everything is going well for you now. It is very helpful to hear, and I’m happy for you!

      Reply

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