Insecticides, symptoms, and standing up for little star

Okay, so Dr. S got back to me through a nurse, and he said that they weren’t sure of the effects on pregnancy of the two chemicals used to treat for bed bugs in the facility where I work, but I should steer clear of the area if I felt uncomfortable, and give the CDC a call to look into it. This was absolutely great advice. The CDC directed me to the EPA, and when I called the EPA, I was lucky enough to talk to a very concerned, intelligent, research-savvy woman (who is a mother) who diligently looked into the two chemicals for me, and told me that I absolutely was not being silly for being cautious. She assured me right off the bat that one of the chemicals was harmless. “It’s only harmful if you molt,” she said. The other chemical, she said, would not be a threat to me as long as I did not touch the freshly laid down stuff; she was a little surprised it was being used in a health care facility in the middle of the day. She said it would be a good idea, if the exterminators do a second treatment, to avoid the area at the time this chemical is being laid down. So I talked to someone in the environmental dept about giving me a head’s up if there is a second treatment (there might not be) so I can do just that. I feel much better. I’m adding that EPA woman to my guardian angel list.

God, you should have seen me doing my covert ops yesterday, going out into the parking lot to jot down the name of the exterminator company from the door of the pickup truck I saw out there, calling the company and finding out the names of the chemicals. I didn’t really need to do this–I’m sure I could have just found out from staff–but just in case there was some major delay, I did do this. I also refused to work in my office until I found out more information and have been working from a little conference room on one of the units. Yes, I felt a little insane doing all this. But dang, these chemicals attack the nervous systems of insects, so of course I was freaked about the effect on an embryo. My embryo.

IF there is still an embryo.

I’m trying not to assume. Yes, my nipples are sensitive and quite large—but this could be the estrogen/progesterone. Yes, I had a distinct weird soapy taste in my mouth yesterday, but I could be hyper-attending (who me?).  Yes, I definitely felt nauseated while talking to one of the residents today, broke out in a bit of a sweat, and had to excuse myself because I was gagging and thought I might throw up—but I have gagged there before, and perhaps I did not have enough food in my stomach to digest my vitamin properly. Yes, I’ve had the faintest little teeny tiny aches down there, kind of like a little pen-tip gently poking me from within, but this could just be my uterus preparing for its monthly shedding. Yes, I’ve been going to bed at 9 every night, and on Sunday night, I slept 10 hours—but I’ve had sleep-fests before. The imagination in 2WW-land (or dpt-land) can be difficult to tame. DH thinks all of these are good signs; I think we shall see. 

We. Shall. See. And that is that. I’ll take an early response test very early this Friday morning before going to the clinic for the beta. Until then, I’m navigating dpt-land with as clear a head as possible.

But just thinking that little star is in there has already had a remarkable effect on me. I am standing up for myself at work in a way I’ve found very difficult to do in the past. I aired quite a few grievances today. I said “no” to tasks (I never say no) and described the aspects of my job that I’ve outgrown professionally and that I am no longer comfortable doing. We’ll see what the long-term effects are of all this, but I’ve pretty much decided that now that I am going to try to be this vessel for bebe, I had better work hard to reduce the stressors in my worklife as much as possible. My big problem in the workplace is not that I am unable to confront, when it comes to standing up for myself; it’s that confronting kills me with anxiety. I do it, but I pay for it dearly in upset stomachs and lost sleep. This has got to change, mama.

Now it’s time to make some dinner! Two more days til HPT. Not that I’m counting.

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2 Comments

  1. Good detective work!

    And your symptoms sound very suspiciously positive… but of course it’s impossible to know till you test. But I am SO hoping and wishing for a happy day on Friday for you.

    Reply

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