We’re really doing this

Sitting on my front stoop and trying to let the good news sink in: we’re really doing this. Not just talking about it. Not just planning for it. Doing it.

Oh, readers, we were able to reserve the eggs of our first-choice of donor, the half-Korean, half-Caucasian young woman I described in my last post. We did it. It happened. It alllll worked out. I keep picturing her pictures, and hearing the words from her profile, and thinking about some of the things my new nurse in the Egg Donor Program said about her: “She’s a gorgeous young woman with a great personality,” my nurse wrote. “It’s funny she described herself as reserved. She was professional but had no problem opening up. She was always on time for her appointments and I really liked working with her.” I’ve been trying to think of a pseudonym for her and, because she is bilingual Korean, I’ve decided on the Korean word for “love,” salong. It seems appropriate in all this, one young woman’s loving generosity meeting a not-as-young woman’s yearning to have and give love to a child.

My nurse said that Salong is a good combination of me & DH, physically. Her lips, face shape, body type, hair type–all of this matches me (the hair being no small thing, as it is more Caucasian than Asian in its texture and so on). We have similar smiles. She is my height, my weight (well, actually a little less than I weighed at her age). My nurse says her eyes are larger than DH’s, because of the Caucasian in her. I don’t want to get too detailed but do want to mention that she is in school for journalism and wants to move to New York to work in publishing (!)—want to mention this as that was precisely my life before I went back to school for social work (I was a managing editor in magazines and books in NYC). Crazy. She has played an instrument for many years (as have I) and has been in chorus for years (I was in show choir). She describes herself as really creative, loves reading and writing, and various fine arts—all of the same fine arts that I happen to love. She’s brainy and loves performance, loves travel. All of this matches me. The characteristics that do not reflect me are interesting, too. It tickles me that she’s a bit mainstream, certainly more mainstream than I am–it charms me or something. For example: this girl’s a champion cheerleader! How funny. (I always hated cheerleading in high school.) She likes some mainstream books and movies. For some reason, this makes me feel maternal toward her. Like, aw, that’s so adorable and young of her to like that. She sounds like she is a peer leader, very concerned about being successful, but behind all of the ambition is palpable, admirable feminist strength (she writes a lot about strong women). She wrote something to me and DH (not personally, of course) about hoping she can do something small to help us obtain the wonderful life we’ve envisioned for ourselves. I wish I could say back: It’s really not small, Salong. It’s…well it’s salong in action. I realize compensation is involved but you’ve got to have some readily available salong going on to be able to donate something like this.

If I am understanding the urban dictionary correctly, our child (children), if this works, will technically be quapa. If you look up photos of quapas and hapas, let me tell you—there ain’t too much difference. I feel a bit lucky in this regard! We plan on telling our kids about the egg donation, but we don’t plan on telling the world—and we really might never tell his Korean parents, who would most likely be very disturbed by egg donation. And worried. Oh so very very worried. If this works, we’ll most likely tell them we got pregnant via regular IVF and call it a day, for everyone’s health and sanity.

A lot else has been going on—work has been kicking my arse in ways I don’t like, and to tell you the truth, I came home crying from the stress yesterday and took today off sick. Of course it hasn’t been easy, emailing questions to my nurse about our donor while at work in a public office where everyone can see my computer screen, and alongside my boss, who is the most anxious micromanager I’ve ever shared air with. Oh, ladies, we have to juggle SO MUCH. It’s so hard to do this stuff while carrying out a high-stress full-time job that includes creating a “holding environment” for residents who are crying and family members who are screaming at you and accusing you of things. I’m a little worried about going through this procedure and pregnancy while at this job. But that’s a story for another post!

My nurse is working fast and has already sent me a tentative schedule and ordered my medications. I’ll nail down my Saturday delivery of the medications tomorrow (no hiccups, please, it is the only time I can stay home to receive meds…). I’ve decided to go ahead and do the endometrial scratch test thing—my nurse said nothing has been proven, but the doctors seem to think it does increase blood flow to the uterus. I’ve been pregnant five times and always have that thick tripartite lining going on, so at first I was like: Why should I do this? But when my nurse recommended it, I thought: If I don’t do it, and this doesn’t work, I’ll wonder what if. Just like I can’t seem to stop wondering what if about the DHEA I did not take (Dr. Schoolcraft said no to that).

What is most exciting about all of the back-and-forth with my nurse is this: I have a (very) tentative transfer date of 9/1/13. I’d be almost four months pregnant at Christmas, and have a June baby. Not that I’m counting my eggs before their hatched, or anything.

I want to end this post with deep gratitude. Gratitude for you, for listening to me through this, for giving me feedback, for supporting me. Thank you! And gratitude to the Universal Aum, that force that has brought me and our donor together, and is giving me that gentle nudge forward into the air.

Here we go…

Leave a comment


  1. Such such great news! Wishing you the best of luck

  2. This all sounds AMAZING. So excited for you!

  3. Very exciting that you found such a good match in an egg donor that you are both comfortable with! Good luck as you move forward and start this cycle!

    I know I’ve have women in IVF cycling groups that had success with the endometrial scratch prior to transfer, my RE doesn’t offer it but I hope it helps. And like you said, it’s better to avoid the ‘what ifs’ whenever possible! /MMB

  4. Freiburg

     /  July 25, 2013

    Thank you so much for sharing this! It is amazing, everything will work out beautifully, I am so excited for you!I didn’t realize that I was holding my breath while going through your previous posts, can’t tell you how much I appreciate them, lots of my questions got answered.

  5. Wow. wowowow. This is sooo amazing. You got her. YOU GOT HER! And she sounds absolutely perfect. Better even than I had imagined. And a September 1st transfer date? A possible June baby? I can’t believe how fast it has moved. I am so thankful that you are sharing this with us. I am GIDDY with excitement, in fact. It will be here so so soon!

  6. So happy to read this. You have now officially done all the hard stuff. From here on out, it’s just meds, travel, and then of course the dreaded 2WW. But they will try to do a five day transfer for you, and that made the waiting period shorter and easier to bear. Let me know if you have any questions about RBA or Atlanta before you go! And congrats!

  7. I’m just catching up on reading posts. Wow, congrats on your HUGE step and picking your donor AND getting your first choice. I read the previous post too and thought, wow we had similar but different experiences! I had to pick embryo donor profiles – so both the genetic mom & dad, and not just the egg donor. And because of your Asian/Caucasian mix, we really didn’t have that many options to choose from. But I also remember going through the profiles over and over again after deciding on the 2 families. Thinking about them in bed, and the first thing after I first woke up. Once we got photos of one of the families, we felt pretty comfortable. Yes, I agree you are not trying to replace yourself, but at the same time you look at photos and think, yes this could be me.

    I’m so excited for you. Your donor sounds wonderful! And to think you may have a transfer on 9/1 already! Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

    • Thank you! And how exciting that we both have tentative September transfers! We have a lot in common, yes, and our experiences really resonate with each other. I’m crossing every finger and toe for you too, sweetie.


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