Water-time, friend-time, and buying a children’s book

It was a great weekend. No, not because we found our donor—we haven’t gained access to the database yet, but I wasn’t really disappointed by that. Instead of spending the weekend looking at the database, we spent our weekend doing summertime things. We had an old friend out on Saturday, someone we haven’t seen in many months and whom we love, and we went swimming at Crab Meadow Beach after a lovely lunch of stuffed shrimp and Long Island Ice Tea (appropriate). That night, against my better judgement, I joined my husband (it’s still a thrill to use that word), who is a nine-year-old robot geek at heart, in seeing Pacific Rim. And let me tell you: it was awesome. I thought it would be ear-splitting nonsense, but it ended up being a true comic-book spectacle, and so much fun to watch. DH is unquestionably more in love with me now that I am asking questions like: “So what weapons does Gipsy Danger have other than the laser gun and that kick-ass sword?”

After the movie, we went to a used bookstore in Huntington, and for the first time in years, I walked into the children’s section. I don’t know what came over me. But there I was, looking at my very first favorite book, Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss. A few minutes later, DH came up to me from behind and put his arms around my waist. Together we looked at An Awesome Bookwhich is just that. I teared up when I got to the page that reads:

Please use your dreams to make new dreams

For all the dreams that died   

I had been thinking I would buy the book for my niece, but in that moment, I realized that I was going to buy it for our future child. And I did. I’m stunned—but I did. This is hope like I have not yet felt. What is going on?

Sunday, DH and I were all set to go to a cafe when we ditched all of our papers, went to brunch, and then rented a kayak for three hours and paddled along Bird Island and through the harbor. After that little adventure, instead of going grocery shopping and making dinner, we went out to dinner and then went to Crab Meadow again to do some wonderful swimming near sundown. I also got to talk to my dear friend R while on the beach and catch up with her, which felt so good.

We came home happy and sandy and tan. I think it’s a good thing we didn’t have access to the database yet—we needed this summertime weekend. We feel closer and more relaxed for it. Sometimes, Long Island watertown, you’re really  just what we need.

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  1. Sounds like a perfect and relaxing summer weekend! A good time for calm before the stress of picking a donor! Glad yu ditched the cafe plan and enjoyed your day!

  2. What a fabulous weekend! The kayaking sounded phenomenal. I agree with Kimberly, it’s perfect to have a “normal” weekend before you dive into picking your donor–to relax and enjoy the summer and enjoy each other in your newlywed bliss (with robots). I will have to check out that book, that sounds beautiful. I am a children’s book hoarder, have been ever since working at a children’s publisher out of college, but I also occasionally buy books specifically for my little ones to come. It is a very hopeful thing to buy them and be able to look at them and imagine what it will be like to read them to someone, either in the tummy or out. There is a beautiful book that is sadly out of print that has used copies available online that has a similar theme and always make me think of a special IVF baby… The Dream of the Little Elephant. Check it out if you can find it! Hooray for a wonderful weekend and hooray for the start of something special.

    • The Dream of the Little Elephant—just that title makes me feel swoony. Lovely to hear that you sometimes buy books for your future kiddos. I’ve been averse to walking into the children’s section for years now because of the pain—or really, the imagined pain. Total avoidance, perhaps unnecessarily. It turns out that you and I have even MORE in common—I used to work in publishing! I was an editor in NYC—managing editor for literary, political, art publications, magazines and books. I always wanted to work in children’s book publishing, too, but that never happened.

  3. I stole this idea from you. DH and I were looking for some quality time Saturday (gorgeous weather), so we shot up to the north shore and kayaked around Bird Island and the harbor, gorged on oysters and lobster, tooled around Northport a bit, swam @ Centerport beach at sunset. Such an amazing day! Thanks for the idea :) I’ll be stealing more of them when I head out to CO at the end of the week. That book store looks cool, and I think I’ll take your suggestion about the Highline too. You could be a recreation planner :) How are you doing?

    • Woo! That’s so great. I love it. The perfect day, isn’t it? I’m glad to be of help. I’d love to be a recreation planner (: Yes, that bookstore in Denver is great—has a really warm feel, and it’s the kind of place you can get lost in for hours, almost like a library, really, it’s so big. I’m doing good—lining check today! Nervous.

      • Sending hopeful vibes your way! I’m sure you don’t need them. Linings were never your problem, after all.


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  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

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