So: I’m scared. But I keep telling myself that all excellent warriors experience fear—it gives them the edge that keeps them alive.

I’ve been jittery. I’ve been crying easily (though briefly). I am getting easily annoyed. I do not want to go to work but want instead to take care of myself 24/7 and go to multiple yoga classes a day. (There is flu going around at work and I feel like I am walking through a minefield. DH keeps telling me: “Your body is strong. Don’t worry.”)

I feel that some of my yogi/zen/spiritual/women’s-circle stuff is escaping from my palms like dandelion fluff. But not altogether. Just bits here and there. Close those hands, girl. Keep what you’ve learned close. You’re going to need it!

DH… kind, loving, generous DH. He is cooking me delicious meals every night. Swiss chard with balsamic. Lentil soups. Perfectly cooked meats. Hippie plates loaded with beets. Salads loaded with bright yellow corn and velvety avocado. Cajun fish. Beef bulgogi and seaweed. Eggs and kale. Roasted sweet potatoes with rosemary. Broccoli rabe.

The food nourishes me and grounds me—just like he does.

We spent New Year’s Eve in bed, massaging each other’s backs with lavender oil, watching movies, eating popcorn.

We spent one day this past weekend walking hand-in-hand in the sparkling snow of a nearby golf course. We’d run up to the tops of hills and spin around, arms outstretched, and I’d sing “Sound of Music” songs at the top of my lungs, like the total ham I am. (DH loves it when I sing in an over-the-top dramatic way. I love that he loves it.)

I’m going to miss him when I go to Colorado. I’m going to miss him so much. My buddy! My best friend!

I need stones.

I mean that both metaphorically and literally…

The other morning, during a little wee-hour spell of insomnia, I found myself online, buying gemstones. I’ve always been interested in them, and Di drops them on my body during reiki.

As with reiki, the stones become what you bring to them. They also have a history of carrying certain meanings—they have been thought of and used for particular purposes for decades or centuries; does that history of intention alone change them, energetically?

In any case, I like the way they feel in my hands. I like to hold them and think of their meanings. The process is: They remind me of what ails me, or what my particular issue is in that moment, and remind me to set the intention to heal that illness or rectify that issue. Like the objects on my altar, they are tangible and beautiful things I can focus my intentions upon.









Next Post
Leave a comment

Leave a reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

  • Enter your email address to receive notifications of new posts by email.

    Join 215 other followers

  • Posts By Month


  •© the unexpected trip,, 2012-2017.
  • Recent Posts By Title

  • About Me

    Me: 41
    DH: 38

    Fertility issue:
    Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
    6 pregnancy losses
    All early
    5 with my own eggs
    1 with donor egg

    Abnormal embryos

    Factor V Leiden heterozygous
    MTHFR heterozygous

    AFC: 2 - 12
    AMH: 0.2
    FSH: 6.8
    E2: 40
    LH: 2.8


    April 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac only). D&C to remove products of conception at 9 weeks.

    Oct 2011 -
    Natural conception, first try. Blighted ovum (gestational sac & yolk sac). Took Cytotec to induce miscarriage at 9 weeks. PTSD, depression, anxiety, insomnia, night terrors followed.

    Winter 2012 -
    Two rounds of Femara/Clomid + IUIs at Columbia and RS of NY. The idea: to produce more eggs and increase chances of catching a good one. BFNs.

    April 2012 -
    Natural conception, first try. Ultrasound showed activity in the uterus, but no complete sac. Diagnosed with "missed abortion." Natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    June 2012 -
    Conception after 7 mg Femara for 5 days + IUI. Diagnosed with chemical pregnancy. Natural miscarriage at 4.5 weeks.

    August 2012 -
    Natural conception, without trying. Chemical pregnancy and natural miscarriage at 5 weeks.

    October 2012 -
    ODWU at Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine (CCRM).

    January 2013 -
    IVF with Dr. Schoolcraft.
    Straight Antagonist protocol

    What he predicted:
    I will produce 11 eggs
    Good chance 1 will be normal
    30% chance 2 will be normal
    Transfer 1, then a 45% chance of success
    Transfer 2, then a 65% chance of success

    What happened:
    7 follicles stimulated
    6 mature eggs retrieved
    2 died during ICSI
    4 fertilized
    3 out of 4 embryos CCS-tested
    All abnormal

    Aug/Sept 2013-
    Frozen Donor Egg IVF at Reproductive Biology Associates (RBA)
    What Dr. Shapiro predicted:
    6 or 7 will fertilize
    1 we will transfer
    1 - 3 we will freeze

    Protocol: Lupron, Vivelle patches, Crinone

    8 frozen eggs from donor thawed
    6 fertilized
    1 Day-5 Grade A XBbb blastocyst transferred
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst frozen
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst frozen

    September 13, 2013: Pregnant

    Prenatal vitamins & baby aspirin,
    Vivelle patches & Crinone

    Beta #1: 171
    Beta #2: 706
    Beta #3: 7,437

    6 w 3 d: measured 6 w 1 d
    FHR: 80 bpm
    Fetus did not grow
    7 w: FHR 121 bpm
    8 w: heart stopped
    9 w: D and C

    Test results: We lost a normal karyotype male for unexplained reasons

    Quit stressful job
    Anti-inflammation diet
    Gluten-free diet
    Vit D, DHA/EPA
    Therapy/energy work
    Creative Visualization
    Art Therapy

    March 14, 2014:
    Double FET at RBA
    1 Day-5 Grade A EBbb blastocyst
    1 Day-6 Grade A XBbb blastocyst

    March 24, 2014:

    Prenatals, baby aspirin, Folgard, Vivelle, Crinone, Lovenox

    Beta #1: 295
    Beta #2: 942
    Beta #3: 12,153

    1 fetus implanted

    Measured on track

    Fetal heart rate:
    7 wk: 127 bpm, 8wk:159 bpm, 9wk: 172 bpm

    Due date: Dec, 4 2014!

    NatureMade (USP Seal) Prenatals and 4000 Vit D3
    Baby aspirin
    40 mg Lovenox
    DHA and EPA
    Folgard 2.2

    Born: One perfect baby boy 12.4.14

  • Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: