Stones

So: I’m scared. But I keep telling myself that all excellent warriors experience fear—it gives them the edge that keeps them alive.

I’ve been jittery. I’ve been crying easily (though briefly). I am getting easily annoyed. I do not want to go to work but want instead to take care of myself 24/7 and go to multiple yoga classes a day. (There is flu going around at work and I feel like I am walking through a minefield. DH keeps telling me: “Your body is strong. Don’t worry.”)

I feel that some of my yogi/zen/spiritual/women’s-circle stuff is escaping from my palms like dandelion fluff. But not altogether. Just bits here and there. Close those hands, girl. Keep what you’ve learned close. You’re going to need it!

DH… kind, loving, generous DH. He is cooking me delicious meals every night. Swiss chard with balsamic. Lentil soups. Perfectly cooked meats. Hippie plates loaded with beets. Salads loaded with bright yellow corn and velvety avocado. Cajun fish. Beef bulgogi and seaweed. Eggs and kale. Roasted sweet potatoes with rosemary. Broccoli rabe.

The food nourishes me and grounds me—just like he does.

We spent New Year’s Eve in bed, massaging each other’s backs with lavender oil, watching movies, eating popcorn.

We spent one day this past weekend walking hand-in-hand in the sparkling snow of a nearby golf course. We’d run up to the tops of hills and spin around, arms outstretched, and I’d sing “Sound of Music” songs at the top of my lungs, like the total ham I am. (DH loves it when I sing in an over-the-top dramatic way. I love that he loves it.)

I’m going to miss him when I go to Colorado. I’m going to miss him so much. My buddy! My best friend!

I need stones.

I mean that both metaphorically and literally…

The other morning, during a little wee-hour spell of insomnia, I found myself online, buying gemstones. I’ve always been interested in them, and Di drops them on my body during reiki.

As with reiki, the stones become what you bring to them. They also have a history of carrying certain meanings—they have been thought of and used for particular purposes for decades or centuries; does that history of intention alone change them, energetically?

In any case, I like the way they feel in my hands. I like to hold them and think of their meanings. The process is: They remind me of what ails me, or what my particular issue is in that moment, and remind me to set the intention to heal that illness or rectify that issue. Like the objects on my altar, they are tangible and beautiful things I can focus my intentions upon.

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