Reiki

I’m glad I waited to write about reiki, because I might have sounded, at the time, a little bit crazy. Now, with some perspective, I can write about it a little more calmly…

It was amazing!!

Bear with me. You know me well enough by now to know I am a rational person. But I am letting more and more “irrational” experiences into my life, the closer I get to IVF. It’s a…softening. An opening. It’s good. I feel a little self-conscious writing this post, but I’m going to write it anyway.

Because it really was amazing.

I’d had some vague idea that reiki would feel good and relaxing in the same way that a massage does. I wasn’t expecting it to be a deeply spiritual experience.

Let me start at the end—when the session was over, I asked my reiki practitioner, Di, why she kept going to the four far corners of the room. Was it to push big energies my way? She replied that she had not left the side of my table throughout the treatment…but she had gone to the four corners of the room before I arrived, as part of an energy-cleansing ritual for the room. I’d of course had no idea she’d done this. We were both somewhat stunned by that.

During the session, waves and waves of tingling sensation coursed through my body and I had the most fantastic visions, visions that moved me to tears. At one point, I was having a conversation with Spirit, or God, or universal energy, or whatever you want to call it (to me, it is all the same)–an unbidden conversation that just started happening. Instead of allowing skepticism in, I allowed the spontaneous conversation with God/Spirit/universal energy to happen. I begged It not to go, again and again, and It said back to me “I am part of you. I’m with you all the time. I cannot leave you.” And then I experienced an overwhelming feeling of  being held, of utter contentment, of relaxed happiness—a pure “it’s all okay” feeling I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. It blew me away.

I saw rainbows ripple through my body—like when you throw a pebble in a pond and the waves ripple out and out. I saw golden ribbons of light swirling around my ovaries and reproductive system. And at one point, I felt my stomach grow—it was a pulling sensation, filling my belly, until I felt as though I were about seven months pregnant. I felt the life inside me. I felt the baby’s head and limbs. I felt pure and exhilarating mama-contentment.

The second session, I went in with an attitude that nothing that jaw-dropping could possibly happen again. As I lay down on my stomach, I thought, This is going to be mellow. But I immediately began to feel the warm sensation.

Warmth. And a feeling of energy moving, trying to move, through me.

And then it felt like my chest was filling up with air. I pictured myself as a superhero with his chest puffed up! Later, I found out that Di was focusing on giving me emotional strength, and I told her what I’d pictured. “Good,” she said, smiling, “that means it was working.”

I had an intense pulsing, bubbling sensation in my knee—the feeling of energy becoming unblocked. At another point, my perineum started pulsating like crazy. I found out later that she was working on that chakra.

I was pulled and tugged gently, as if there were strings attached to me and a puppeteer were gently, minutely pulling and tugging.

I saw myself as a goddess in an earthen temple. During the first session, I’d talked to a decidedly male energy, but during this second session, I talked to a female energy. “Mother Goddess” came to mind. She helped me realize that I was a goddess myself, in an earthen canlelit temple. (And here my women’s circle work with goddesses and imagery was “talking” to the reiki.) When Di put a stone on my third eye chakra, I felt as though she were anointing me. I smiled. Warm energy flowed through my face.

I stayed in that “accompanied” space. Accompanied by Goddess/Spirit/universal energy. I said to myself, in a very loud voice: I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN AND I WILL ALWAYS BE. I KNOW I HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE. I HAVE BEEN HERE FOREVER. I was feeling my essential nature. I was feeling my thread in the fabric of the cosmos.

Then I was floating in the sky, above the earth. I was dancing. I was Dakini Sky Dancer.  I kept undulating, moving, dancing. Something inside me kept trying to move—it was my energy.

Sometimes I would rub my fingertips across the side of my thigh, to spark a tingling sensation, and that accompanying energy would laugh at me lovingly and tell me I was “cheating.”

I tried not to grasp–onto the tingling, the visions, the voices. I tried to just let it come and go.

I said to myself: So many words, so many images, coming at me all the time. I heard the words and watched the images come at me—the images from my day—and then I heard and watched them fade away.

I saw typewritten words come toward me, then I watched them turn into sound, and then heard the sounds blend into a choral oneness.

It all melts together, I thought. We try to keep things organized and separate, but it is all one. We try to explain things through language, but how funny that is. How funny that we think that is so important. When we are in our essential nature, words are not necessary. 

(Of course, I was telling myself all this in words!)

There is no need for documentation, no reason to grasp, to try to make permanent. Everything flows and goes.

(If I’d taken that message to heart, I probably wouldn’t be continuing with this blog…)

Di brought me back down from the sky, I found out afterward. She said that I needed serious grounding. I replied that in my vision, I was lying on my back on the air, horizontal in the sky, and I lowered down to the ground, as if on an invisible lowering platform.

Then I felt a bubbling, pulsing, around my ovaries. Very strange. It felt as if my ovaries were moving.

Light streaks zinged and zig-zagged all over the outside of my body, energizing me.

I smiled during the entire drive home, and when I got here, I got out my paints for the first time in years. I sang. I drew. I painted. I kept getting those waves of tingles through my body. Wave after wave.

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