Women’s intuition and a harmony of events

As you might be noticing, I am trying to write these posts a bit more frequently and spontaneously!

I want to take a moment to capture this…

I have been noticing (and have been open to) synchronicity, a harmony of events, signs.

It began when I was back home, visiting my extended family and singing at my friend’s (my second mother’s) memorial, a powerful, healing visit that I might write about in this blog someday. For now, suffice to say I reconnected with my mother, my grandmother, my aunt, my father, my brother, my nephew, and of course my friend T (second mom) and her husband.

After 16 years of looking for something incredibly precious to me—something I had wanted to pass on to my children, and which I had given up for lost—I found it in the attic above the garage in my parents’ home. I’d looked there countless times over the past 16 years. 16 years! This time, I asked aloud for help in finding it, and literally seconds later, my hand fell upon it. The experience moved me so dramatically that I began to cry and ran and found my parents and hugged them.

I was visiting my aunt and my cousin’s son (her grandson). Let’s say their names are Irene and George. The next day, I got a call from a woman named Irene George, offering me an interview for a job as a barista. (I’d applied for it as something short-term, to tide me over before IVF and before I could get a job in my field.) That job ended up being good medicine for my weary soul, as I fell in love with my co-workers and laughed very hard with them every day—certainly it saved me a lot of suffering and depression. I needed to get involved in a community, and it was so good to feel loved and wanted. (I have issues with sometimes feeling expendable, because I don’t have children.)

Shortly thereafter, I joined a women’s support group, a healing circle straight out of 1975. The flier caught my eye because it was about women’s issues and the divine feminine. The first night, I danced so hard in the center of the circle (a dance to get rid of all the negative stuff I hold onto) that I hilariously gave myself something akin to whiplash. But having that back and neck pain for a few days highlighted, for me, how physically hard the barista-ing job was on my body. And Nurse H had warned me that it could affect my cycle. I told Irene George that the job wasn’t for me about a week and a half into it—but I don’t think I would have done that so easily if I hadn’t gotten the whiplash from the women’s circle dance. She wasn’t upset at all and in fact told me that I’d walked in their door for a reason, it was meant to be, and now I was part of their family.

When that job-channel opened, the call from my dream job came, a job in my field. It was a job I’d applied to when we first moved to LI, and I’d given up on hearing from them (much like I’d given up on finding that sacred object at my parents house). My experience with the barista position had taught me to be as upfront as possible about my situation. I was.  Even after I told them about my medical leave to come (two weeks away in Jan, one week away in Feb) they still interviewed and hired me, and I start this Monday. My barista job ended Friday. Harmony.

This job I start on Monday—I’d had a strong feeling about the place the moment I discovered it. The words “that would be perfect” came to mind. I spent a lot of time on the application, and I definitely held it in mind all these months.

During this time, a woman I will call MB contacted me out of the blue via Facebook. The story of MB is very long, but I will try to be brief. I was standing outside St. Luke’s Hospital after an appointment about my Factor V Leiden, standing on the sidewalk. It was sometime after my second miscarriage. I was sobbing. I used to just sob on sidewalks, I’d become so overcome with emotion. A priest happened by and stopped and talked with me. A woman passed by. She stopped. She turned around. This was MB.

She put her arm on  my shoulder: “Is it about a baby?” she asked, looking into my eyes.

“Yes,” I said, and the priest left me beside her.

“I had five miscarriages,” the woman said, holding up her hand. “Five. And then I put it in God’s hands, and He gave me twins, natural conception, a boy and a girl.”

There is much more to this story, but for now I will say that we went to Whole Foods, where she bought me a healthy lunch and comforted and counseled me. We had not kept in touch since. When she connected with me through FB recently, it was to say, “Your family is going to happen. It is going to happen in God’s time. I am here for you.”

For my new job, I had to get a physical very quickly, so I went to an urgent care facility. The doctor asked me if there was anything she needed to know about why I couldn’t get certain vaccinations, and I told her that I would be undergoing IVF in Jan. and Feb. It turns out that she had had five miscarriages, at my age exactly, and tried IVF twice (but without genetic testing). She ended up going the donor egg route at age 42 at a practice on LI and she raved about the practice and the doctor to such an extent that I have a feeling we will try them, should we end up in that IF territory. She gave me his contact information. It felt important. If anything, talking with her, I felt confident that there are other options out there for us if this CCRM IVF doesn’t work. “And let me tell you,” she said. “You don’t feel any different at all about that child. It’s your child. The donor egg doesn’t matter one bit.”

Adoption in my dreams. Donor egg talk during my physical. It feels like the universe is trying to take care of me. Or that I am allowing it to take care of me.

Having some time off from miscarrying has done wonders for me. And perhaps some of the hard work I’ve done, up to this point, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is beginning to manifest in positive ways.

For the women’s group, I am reading Women Who Run With the Wolvesby Clarissa Pinkola Estes. She says we feed our women’s intuition by listening to it. I think that is what I have done, and that is why I have opened up these passageways for good things to come to me and emanate from me.

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