Some very good news

I got the job—knowing what my medical leave situation is going to be come Jan/Feb, they still offered me the job. When she called me and told me, I said, “I’m so excited,” and she said, “We are too!” and it felt like something right had happened. Now we can breathe a little more easily, financially. Now, if IVF doesn’t work, I will have a job to go back to, a source of income and stability, all of which will be necessary when we journey into adoption. (I asked to have a  fertility-guidance dream the other night, and I dreamed all about adoption!) I am taking a deep breath and sighing in happy relief.

It really has been a happy week. There was the interview and job offer, of course, but there was also a new light and energetic feeling going on in me before that happened. I felt buoyant. Maybe it was cracking up at the coffee shop with the ladies and getting all that good dopamine and those endorphins flowing. Maybe it was the full moon. Maybe it was because I burned a list of regrets and watched the ashes fly into the night sky. I felt very loving and tender toward DH. One night, we fell to sleep in each other’s arms listening to a Thich Nhat Hanh. During the day, I listened to upbeat music and danced. I baked a date-nut honey loaf and gave it to friends who came to visit. We walked with those friends through a state park on a wintry day. I am feeling connected to LI through the women in the coffee shop and my new women’s support group (which I still have to write about) and yoga studio. Sometimes when I step back and really look at the richness of my life and my good fortune, I am deeply appreciative and I feel something close to peace. I am trying to gather and build positivity, I am trying very hard. Because no matter what happens, I will need it, and those who love me will need me to be strong.

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