Career on hold…

Oh dear—I have been offered an interview for what would be a dream job for me, but I had to let them know that I will be gone for most of January (I said I had to have a medical procedure done). The woman on the phone, who would be my supervisor, was obviously disappointed—up to that point we’d had a wonderful conversation. She thanked me for being upfront and said she would have to check in with others about whether or not they’d still be interested in interviewing/hiring me. It’s painful for me for sure. The job sounds like it would be perfect for my interests, and it is located on wooded parkland five minutes from my house. I wonder if there are other CCRM ladies out there who had to put their new careers on hold so that they could cycle in Denver? I’m in such an odd position, having just graduated from school. Things would be different, of course, if I were in a job I’d had for years and needed to take a little medical leave.

Because I will be out of commission for most of January (and actually part of February, if all goes well), I took a job as a barista at coffee shop in a pretty historic district here on LI. I absolutely LOVE the people there. The owner is so kind, warm, and motherly, and the other baristas–particularly one who is in her fifties and should be a stand-up comedian—are funny, smart, so friendly. I felt right at home there immediately, and they took me in like one of the family. But the work is hard on my body, and when I described the exhaustion and overwhelmed feeling to Nurse H, she said that those feelings do indicate physical exertion that could affect my body in not-optimal ways for cycling. Sigh. There’s just too much at stake for me to keep working. I had to tell them that I was feeling like the physical work was too hard for me and I need to leave the position (my last day will be Friday). It was a little embarrassing, because the truth is, if I weren’t about to undergo a 30K IVF cycle, I probably would stay at the job—it’s not that taxing. In any case, I can’t express enough how loved they all made me feel when I said I had to stop working there. No one wants me to go. “We love you! Don’t go!” they said, and these days, that means so much to me. Feeling needed is good medicine for me. The owner said: “This isn’t goodbye. There is some reason you walked through our door and fit in so well. This was meant to be.” And she said I could come work there whenever I wanted for extra cash, or they’d call me to see if I could sub sometimes. They asked me to visit often. I needed that.

All in all, this whole CCRM adventure is costing us a lot more than just time and money—it is costing me in these other ways, holding me back in my career, interrupting my commitments. Of course, if there is a baby at the end of all this sacrifice, I will not think of the sacrifice again. But if there is sorrow at the end of the line…it will be hard not to feel that I risked too much.

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