Progress! I was just annoyed by a child!

I know that for some, even most, being annoyed by a child is not a monumental event. But when you’ve been trying to become a mother for over a year and have had four miscarriages instead, annoyance is usually the last thing you feel when you encounter a child. Think of a combination of yearning, aching, grieving, and envying. A sucker-punch in the gut. A feeling at times so strong you have to leave wherever you are and go home and wail. But about an hour ago, I was in a cafe and the adorable four-year-old boy in there was annoying the hell out of me. He was whining. A lot. Usually, I am blind and deaf to such things. But today, I experienced them, and I actually thought to myself: “I’m glad I don’t have kids right now.” Which is completely untrue, but at least I was able to say that to myself as joke. This is big! I think it indicates a real turning point. I notice that I did not feel acute pain when I saw newborns bundled up in their little mama-body-hammocks today, either. Why?

The passage of time. Hope Hathaway’s treatment. And I’m serious when I say it: This blog. I’ve been adding to this blog for only a couple of days and it is already having an effect. This is narrative therapy, after all. Each word I type.

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